the calm after the storm (inside mother's day)

blair called to ask if we were ready for 

guests: she and grandma would be first.

we had said 5ish - it was 5ish. 

i said sure, got off the phone and looked

around the kitchen. we had been cooking for

three days, we had done as much as we could

and when i looked around,

i saw a relatively put together space and the picture above.

(what you can't see in the picture is the wine glass, 

mostly empty, just to the bottom right of the

casserole dishes. 

that glass was a new addition.

one that was welcome as we entered

cleanup mode.)

we were having nine people for dinner - 

our family. years ago, there were five of

us for mother's day celebrations - 

my mom,

me,

my sisters and

my grandmother.

now, we've grown:

larry, my mom's boyfriend,

my sister's boyfriend, my sister's fiance.

nine is a lot of people.

we've morphed from a quiet small

group content with one bottle of wine

and a barbara streisand cd

into a loud, beer-requiring,

sports-watching party.

we don't know how this happened.

and, we love it.

but nine people require a lot of food.

here's the rundown and my mental

checklist that i went through as i waited for

blair and my grandmother.

charred jalapeno and charred scallion guacamole

we were having a lot of food for dinner - i did not want to go crazy with appetizers. we kept it pretty simple - veggies, chips and guacamole. several times i've noticed this recipe for guac made with roasted ingredients. i was planning to make my own, using the charred additions. i prepped everything ahead of time: tossing jalapenos and scallions into a hot oven, then chopping an onion, another raw scallion and cilantro. once the charred ingredients were cool, i chopped them, added them to the bowl and stuck them all together on the counter with the 4 avocados. this way when it was time, i could just halve, scoop, mash and mix. i should have predicted that everyone in the kitchen would be distracting. i should have added the whole limes to that bowl.

asparagus

we needed a vegetable for this meal and i wanted something that was quick, easy and no stress: asparagus. i picked up a couple bunches of locally grown stalks and one named purple haze, which admittedly, looked nowhere near as purple once roasted.

red swiss chard

the soup, which i'll tell you about soon, called for swiss chard added the last couple minutes. the last thing we did before entering clean-up mode was stem and trim the chard. larry washed and dried it.

smooth salsa

the cookbook mod mex has been sitting on my bookshelf, untouched, for years. something made me pull the book off the shelf and i'm so glad i did. we consulted it for a good chunk of this meal. one dish that i used as inspiration, but then went completely off course, used this orangey-red, smooth salsa, which requires chilies to soak, tomatoes and garlic to broil, onions to saute and then everything gets simmered together with orange juice and apple cider vinegar before getting whirled in the blender.

(in the back, on that ugly, ugly thing we are getting rid of soon - we keep promising ourselves - is this almond olive oil cake via lottieanddoof, glazed and cooling.)

tomatillo salsa

i love making tomatillo salsa. so many people have recipes that they say, i have no idea why someone would buy - homemade ricotta, pasta, fresh bread. the closest thing i have to that is tomatillo salsa. i've learned that there are several different ways to make it and i've done it several different ways depending on my mood - boiled and pureed, broiled and pureed, fresh and diced. but, this time, because the oven was already on for the guacamole, i opted to roast half the ingredients and combine them with fresh in the blender. i roasted 3 or 4 cloves of garlic, a serrano pepper and half an onion. in the blender, the other half of the fresh onion, 3 cloves raw garlic, one scallion, cilantro, lime juice and tomatillos sat in the blender waiting. i whirled, adjusted the salt and lime, whirled again, and was satisfied.

black beans

over the years, i've stopped using a recipe for black beans and started using sauteed onions, garlic, cumin, cayenne pepper and ground coriander as a base. when everything's soft, i add the beans (not soaked) and cover with a couple inches of cold water. i bring the mixture to a boil, reduce it to a simmer, partially cover and keep an eye on the pot, stirring sometimes, adding more water when necessary and tasting for doneness after one hour. when the beans are tasty and almost soft enough, i add salt, a bit of sherry vinegar and a few splashes of sherry. the mixture simmers for about 10-20 minutes more. best case scenario - make the beans the day before and reheat when needed, stirring in a little more sherry, if necessary.

tortilla soup 

this soup was the inspiration for the entire meal. a few week's ago, i received an e-mail from my mom with the recipe (which i'm giving you, below) and a note that said, "don't you want to make this for me and larry?" i think she was kidding. but when i decided to host mother's day, i knew that the meal should include this soup. i had planned to make the soup on friday so that it was one thing out of the way when we started cooking on sunday. somehow, i ran out of time, but when larry got home from work on friday, he convinced me to stick with my plan, and together we made a triple-batch. it was wonderful to pull the saucepot out of the fridge on sunday afternoon (not so wonderful - trying to store everything else around an 8-quart saucepot in the fridge).

chicken enchiladas

i don't know why i wanted to make enchiladas, but i was determined. my only requirement was that it used tomatillo salsa. i found one in mod mex that called for making a marinade, baking the chicken in the marinade, shredding the chicken, making a tomatillo salsa and making the enchiladas. it seemed a little intense - i had to work saturday during the day - but, also, perfect. i knew that i was going to make my own tomatillo salsa (above) and that i wasn't going to fry the tortillas before filling, but otherwise, i was pretty sure i found my recipe. (the recipe for this one is below, too.)

corn, zucchini and cremini mushroom tamale pie

with nine people, one casserole wasn't going to cut it. and, while i know i could have made double the enchiladas, a bunch of us aren't big meat eaters, so i wanted a vegetarian option. mod mex had a recipe for a tamale bottom with grilled vegetables and that smooth salsa. while looking through another cookbook earlier in the day, i spotted a recipe that featured a three sisters gratin, boasting a black bean, corn and zucchini layer. i decided to sort of combine the two, replacing the black bean layer with a mushroom layer and skipping the gratin aspect. 

when i got home from work on saturday (just after i set the beans to boil), i sauteed corn with half a chopped onion, stirred in chopped green chilies and set everything aside to cool. next, i sauteed four sliced zucchinis with the other half of that onion, thyme and mexican oregano. while that cooled, i cooked diced creminis with garlic, then stirred in scallions. larry mixed together that tamale mixture, then i patted it into the bottom of the dish, topped it with that orange-infused smooth salsa and layered first with the mushrooms, then the zucchini, followed by the corn and a bit of shredded cheese. i loved putting the lid on that thing and sticking it in the fridge. one more thing done for saturday evening.

toppings for the tortilla soup

i adored this platter and wish you could see it better. i did take a quick picture: here. rick bayless (did i tell you the soup was a rick bayless recipe?) recommends that you pile lime wedges, tortilla strips, flash fried chilies and shredded cheese onto a big platter for serving. i almost went with bowls, which seemed more manageable on a big table, but ultimately, i was happy with the presentation of the platter.

it seems like a lot of food.

it was a lot of food.

but, we had very little left over.

just memories.

and enough soup left for dinner the next night.

rick bayless' tortilla soup with red swiss chard

adapted from food52 and rick bayless

as i mentioned above, we tripled the soup. i probably could have gotten away with doubling it, but i think i would have been too nervous up until the minute i doled out 9 servings. ultimately, everyone got one cup (there was a lot of food coming) and we had about 6 cups left over. 

something that i think is important to note: a true triple batch would have used 18 cups of broth. on friday, when i was stirring broth into the puree, i stopped at 14. the mixture was pretty thin and i was concerned about what the four extra cups would do to the flavor and the texture. the soup thickened up over two days, but i still feel good about the decision to keep the broth low. i'm not sure how i would have felt if i had made a single recipe. below is the original recipe for one batch with my three small changes - i baked the tortilla strips instead of frying them, used canned tomatoes (per food52's permission) and reduced the oil (no need to use that much if baking the strips). this is for one batch, but honestly, if i made this again, i think i would double it and save the leftovers in the freezer.

one last note: this recipe calls to flash fry chilies, which crisps them up. i made the recipe ahead and by the time i was ready to serve the soup, they were no longer crispy. i placed them on a baking sheet in the oven for 1-2 minutes, watching and smelling carefully. it worked beautifully.

1.5 ounces dried pasilla chilies (also called chillies negros) (about 4-5 chilies)

3 tablespoons vegetable oil, divided (note: i didn't use much more oil than this for the triple batch)

2 cloves garlic, unpeeled

1 medium-large tomato or 1 can (14 ounces) whole tomatoes, drained

1 medium white onion, peeled, halved and thinly sliced

6 cups chicken broth

1/2 teaspoon salt (approximately)

4 cups loosely packed, thinly sliced red chard

for garnish:

4-6 corn tortillas

2 cups shredded cheese (i used sharp cheddar)

2 limes, quartered

heat oven to 350˚f.

stem and seed chilies. cut into 1-inch squares.

in medium skillet, heat 2 tablespoons vegetable oil until hot. reduce heat to somewhere in between medium and medium-low. add chilies, in batches, cooking about 4 seconds; transfer to paper towel-lined plate, to drain. (note: i found myself cooking them for about 4 seconds, turning and cooking 4 seconds more. i was very careful not to burn.)

place 1/3 chilies in small bowl; cover with very hot water and let sit 30 minutes, or until softened, stirring occasionally. reserve remaining chilies for garnish.

in medium saucepot, heat remaining vegetable oil over medium heat; add onion and cook 25 minutes, or until golden, stirring often.

meanwhile, in dry skillet over medium to medium-high heat, roast tomatoes and garlic about 10 minutes, or until golden and softened, turning often. peel garlic; transfer to food processor or blender. add softened chilies and 1 cup broth. process for 1 minute, or until smooth.

place strainer or chinois over saucepot with onions; increase heat and listen to hear the onions sizzle. strain tomato mixture into onions; pressing on solids. cook, stirring constantly for 3 or 4 minutes, or until the mixture thickens and darkens. stir in remaining broth; bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer. cook 30 minutes, stirring ocassionally. season with salt, if necessary.

using sharp knife, cut tortillas into thin strips. place in single layer on aluminum foil-lined baking sheet that has been coated with cooking spray or olive oil. coat with cooking spray or olive oil. bake 10-12 minutes, or until golden (keeping a careful eye to prevent burning). let cool.

when the soup has finished cooking, let cool and chill until ready to serve. when ready to serve, reheat. add swiss chard and simmer 5-6 minutes, or until tender.

place tortilla strips, cheese, chilies and lime wedges on platter. ladle soup into bowl and serve with toppings.

roasted chicken enchiladas al pastor with tomatillo salsa

adapted from mod mex

if i'm being honest, i think that when i first imagined making enchiladas, i was thinking about a rotisserie chicken shredded, some salsa and some cheese. these were about 10 steps up from that not-really-cooking idea. these definately require some time and some ingredients, but if you break it up like we did, it won't be that bad. we made the marinade the day before, which was a huge help.

al pastor marinade

this was pretty bold when tasted on its own, but was very nice with the chicken. we left out the achiote paste and reduced the cloves (the original recipe called for 1/2 teaspoon), but otherwise followed the recipe.

3 ancho chilies

3 guajillo chilies

4 cloves garlic, peeled

4 bay leaves

1 medium yellow onion, quartered

2 tablespoons kosher salt

1 teaspoon ground cumin

1 teaspoon dried mexican oregano

1 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper

1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves

1/2 teaspoon ground allspice

1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

2 cups water

1/2 cup apple cider vinegar

in dry skillet over medium heat, toast chilies 30 seconds-1 minute on each side, just until fragrant. transfer to bowl; cover with hot water and let sit 30 minutes, or until softened, stirring ocassionally. drain chilies; transfer to blender. add remaining ingredients. blend 2 minues, or until smooth.

chicken enchiladas

as i mentioned above, i like to play around when i make the tomatillo salsa. there was a recipe in the book for one, but i opted to go with my own. i also chose to heat the tortillas to soften and roll; i did not deep fry as instructed. 

3 cups al pastor marinade (above), divided

3 pounds boneless, skinless chicken thighs

2 cups tomatillo salsa (your own or store-bought)

2 cups corn kernels, grilled on the cob and cut or defrosted frozen kernels

1 cup chopped fresh cilantro

12 corn tortillas (or more)

2 cups grated cheese

heat oven to 350˚f.

place 2 cups al pastor marinade in 9x13 glass baking dish; add chicken. seasonly lightly with salt; turn chicken to coat. cover tightly; cook 30-40 minutes, or until completely cooked though.

remove chicken from marinade; discard marinade. shred chicken; stir in corn, cilantro and remaining 1 cup marinade.

in skillet over medium heat, warm tortilla 25 seconds; flip and heat 25 seconds more. place flat on clean work surface; top with a light 1/2 cup chicken mixture. roll carefully and place seam-side down in 9x13 dish. repeat with remaining tortillas and chicken mixture. sprinkle with cheese. cover with aluminum foil; bake 20-30 minutes, or until hot and bubbly. serve with tomatillo salsa at the table.

snapshot: the food, the stories, the pictures

for those of you who follow me on

twitter - that teeny lot of you -

you know that i've been posting

as much there as i have been here,

save for using my phone to instagram

meals made at home

and

ingredients picked up at the store.

it's just...

it's just that sometimes it's easier to

come home and just make dinner,

you know?

no stopping and starting

with the camera,

with the silent fight larry

and i have as i turn the switch off to

take a picture using natural light as

he flicks it back on because who cooks

with such dimness in the kitchen?

with stopping to wash my hands,

to think about how to make something

that i'm tossing into a bowl,

pretty, instead of tossed into a bowl.

and then there's this:

you wouldn't want to read a lot

about what we've been cooking.

there have been a lot of salads.

a lot of soups.

a lot of things that you make because you have

to eat dinner, instead of things that you make

because they are blog-worthy, irresistible,

cutting edge or even slightly precious.

but, every once in a while,

i put something down on the table and

think, i want to remember this.

and then, instead of pulling out the camera and

turning out the lights, or dragging my food

outside onto the deck, i grab my phone and

take a quick(ish) picture, which

i upload to twitter. it makes me feel like

i'm still connected to...something.

so, if you're in that small twitter group,

you've most likely seen some of these.

but, if not, here's a glimpse into what i've been

cooking and doing the past couple months.

in january, we surprised our youngest sister, erin, with a surprise party (that she totally knew about), at my other sister, blair's, house. almost six months before, at my birthday dinner, erin told me that she wanted banana cupcakes with chocolate cream cheese frosting for her 25th birthday. i made roasted banana cupcakes with the aforementioned chocolate cream cheese frosting (whipped using bittersweet chocolate) and these, which i've taken to making anytime i need a fail safe dessert. as usual, i left out the irish cream frosting and opted for the filling as a glaze. we balanced them on a cardboard tiered platter that we bought at homegoods. it teetered precariously all night, but never collapsed. score.

growing up, my mom made hummus for every holiday dinner. when i needed to bring in a dish for heritage day, i brought in a bowl with carrots. i'm russian and romanian - i'm not even sure hummus was entirely accurate, but nevertheless, it's the first dish of my mom's i regularly made. my mother feels very passionately about tahini-less hummus - hers is a simple blend of chickpeas, chopped onion, lemon juice, garlic, olive oil and paprika for sprinkling. i made a batch when we had friends over, giving the mixture a heavy dose of smoked paprika and aleppo pepper before pressing puree.

it may look like sludge, or optimistically, like deep chocolate hot fudge, but i promise you it was neither. this tangy, slightly spicy cherry ketchup was spread over dried cherry turkey burgers that larry made for a friday night dinner in february. he really wanted to skip the spread, but i decided to make it while he formed the patties. the ketchup was ready and waiting way before the burgers were done (somehow we had every ingredient in the pantry). and even though larry was dubious, he agreed it was important for the meal.

this doesn't look like much (except maybe a mess), but oh my goodness, we loved it. we haven't been eating a lot of pasta around here, but when i found the (new-to-me) blog, post punk kitchen, right around the same time she posted a recipe for these soba noodles, i was pretty sure we'd make it soon. we used green tea noodles, roasted broccoli instead of cauliflower, grilled tofu in place of lentils and scallions, which for me were necessary. commenters were pretty clear that this bowl of food was more than memorable, and even though i made it, i wasn't expecting much from such simple ingredients. i was wrong.

a few weeks ago, several of us at work cooked lunch for the others to help raise money for a final fundraising push. i made those chocolate cupcakes again (fail safe, i promise you), using reduced coffee in place of stout and vanilla extract instead whisky (work event) and, for the second time, i made these salted brown butter rice crispy squares, using homemade marshmallows that i had sitting on the counter and desperately wanted to get rid of, lest they would be eaten or go unnoticed and stale.

my mom visited new orleans in mid-march. larry, innocently - i like to believe - asked her to pick up a bottle of bourbon he enjoyed on our last night in nola. at that table in cochon, he fell in love at first sip, not realizing that that drink was unavailable in, or for shipping to, new jersey. my mom searched the city, unable to uncover a bottle, until one day at restaurant august for lunch, she noticed it on the menu. she inquired, only to find out that only one liquor store in the city sold it. they trekked out there, got the bottle and wrapped it very carefully in a box they had shipped home. when she opened it in front of us, one week later, the buffalo trace was perfectly in tact. it was the jar of pickled okra, next to the bourbon, that had suffered. we made a deal: if i made her pickled okra, we were even. so, i looked at a few recipes before cobbling together my own: cherry peppers, a blend of white and apple cider vinegar, garlic, coriander and red pepper flakes. i think we were both happy with the results.

i can't claim to have made this tuscan onion confit from merrill of food52, unless you call cooking toasting the almonds the night before and coming home after 1 1/2 hours of cooking to stir the mixture and drizzle in extra vinegar. i wanted to make it to serve with the turkey my mother was making on easter sunday. (yes, somehow, we missed passover, but celebrated with an easter dinner this year - with several people at the table who do in fact celebrate easter.) however, i had to work the day before - luckily, larry agreed to take ownership of the confit. it was memorable: sticky, sweet, slightly tangy and deeply nutty.

that next night, i had planned to make a snap pea, radish and feta salad, in celebration of spring. but between the turkey, the confit, the matzoh stuffing and homemade applesauce, it just didn't seem like a spring table in need of a cold salad. the day of, i switched my plan to a recipe that was fast, required little prep and most importantly, took up a minimal amount of space in my mother's kitchen and her stove top while she tried to make dinner. i've never prepared radishes any way but raw, but now, i kind of love the tender bite of them braised. one tablespoon of butter doesn't seem like very much for 2 pounds of vegetables, but let me tell you, these radishes from food and wine were buttery. tinted pink, they were pretty, too. my only wish is that i had stirred the sorrel in, instead of sprinkling the greens on top.

and that's that. 3 months. 8 recipes to show for it. 8 pretty good recipes. stories included.

hopefully, a salad worth waiting for

i really debated not posting this recipe.

one of the main ingredients isn't even in season anymore,

for goodness' sake.

but, i really have been working on this post for months -

writing here and there,

editing the pictures,

occasionally adding one here -

and i decided that the only way that i can move on

and start posting, is if i get this mountain of a post

out of the way. so, i'm going for it.

***

over the summer,

i was on a work trip and i was

asked if larry and i go out

to dinner.

my answer: yes, more than we

probably should, actually.

the response: based on your blog,

it doesn't seem like you do. i feel like

restaurants are a really good place

for inspiration.

i've been thinking about that a lot.

we do go out to eat - at least once a

week, on most saturdays.

but, we often go out for sushi,

or for food that i'm not so quick

to create at home. or, when

larry really just wants a steak.

that's not to say

that we don't sometimes go out

for dinner,

just because i'm craving something

or i've heard about a new restaurant,

or we're bored of all the other

places we regularly visit.

and, for all three reasons,

that's how we ended up

at porta, in asbury park,

in november.

porta is a newish restaurant,

factory and loft-like,

loud and packed,

drafty and somewhat threadbare

with picnic style seating and

wine served in juice glasses.

and, somehow, it's just right.

through first unfortunate,

and then, fortunate circumstances,

we nabbed a table within three minutes

of walking in, in spite of a 45 minute wait.

we were asked if we preferred to sit

next to each other, or across,

and even though the couple nearest

us had chosen the very close together option,

we decided to face each other.

i ordered a glass of red,

larry, surprised by the selection, and excited,

ordered a dale's pale ale.

in. the. can.

pizza, we knew, was dinner.

that is dinner at porta.

i ordered one with arugula and truffle oil.

larry's decision was made easy when he read

about the carbonara, whose star was the

egg baked into the cheese on top.

for an appetizer,

we debated between a few,

but i pushed hard for the

cavolo nero:

kale salad

with shaved watermelon radishes

and roasted sunchokes.

when it came out,

i was initially disappointed.

the plate was large - huge, i

might argue - but the salad seemed

small tossed into a messy

pile, somewhat off center on the dish,

somewhat, uncared for.

i divvied up most of it between two plates.

and, then, i took a bite.

this salad was fantastic.

the kale, not at all tender,

was full of character. the sunchokes

were golden, the radishes a slightly bitter

foil. the strips of toasted bread

seemed so much more than croutons,

garlicky and spicy. the teeny, tiny cubes

of pecorino were firm and salty,

and worth fishing off the bottom of the plate.

but the thing that i loved about this

salad, the thing that made me wish i had

ordered my own and the thing that

made me decide that i absolutely

had to make this at home,

was the bright lemony dressing,

way more acidic than i would have

ever had the nerve to serve.

i was sad when it was over.

my pizza - it was good.

the wine - i enjoyed.

but that salad.

it was an appetizer to

put all other appetizers to shame.

that tuesday,

i looked online and found

this recipe from

101 cookbooks.

it seemed so similar that i wondered

if porta had used it as a jumping off point

when creating theirs. heidi used breadcrumbs

instead of croutons, and her pecorino

was grated into shavings. but it seemed

like a good place to start.

once made,

it was pretty clear that,

save for adjusting for personal taste,

this was the only recipe i needed.

i had toasted croutons,

and cubed the pecorino into

teeny tiny pieces, just like we

ate at porta. when we sat down

to eat the salad, i was thrilled

with the results.

tart,

garlicky,

acidic,

slightly spicy

and a mouthful to eat.

this is food that you are forced

to chew, forced to experience

and, if you're larry, forced to embrace

several more times.

lemony kale salad with pecorino

adapted from 101 cookbooks

i've made this salad several time since, adding roasted mushrooms, roasted halved shallots, roasted tomatoes, and most often, roasted delicata squash that has been seasoned with cayenne. i wish the salad in this picture featured any of the other options, because it's true: i took these pictures so long ago and started this blog post so long ago (i'm pretty sure i made this particular salad the same day i made cashew brittle for holiday gifts), that one of the main ingredients is no longer in season. don't fret - just add your favorite veggie to roast.

on the pecorino: i'm torn. the first few times i made this salad, i cut the pecorino into the teeniest tiniest bites. each time, they fell to the bottom of the salad, along with tiny pieces of garlic. each time i stabbed one with my fork, it was a gamble - would i end up with a mouthful of salty wonderfulness or a mouthful of garlic? so, this time, i made it with larger cubes and it was delicious, but much more salty. since making this salad, several kale salads have been posted online here and here. both involve grating the cheese. maybe an option?

last thing: leftovers are really, really good. maybe even better than the first time.

1 medium delicata squash, halved lengthwise, seeded and sliced

4-5 ounces bread (my favorites for this: sourdough and multigrain), cubed into 1/2-inch dice

1/4 cup olive oil, divided

4 large cloves garlic, peeled, finely chopped and divided

1 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more for seasoning

pinch or two cayenne pepper, if desired

1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes, divided (or more to taste)

salt and pepper

1 large juicy lemon, juiced (you want at least 3 tablespoons)

2-3 ounces pecorino romano, cut into small dice

1 large bunch tuscan kale, stemmed and torn into 1-inch pieces

heat oven to 375˚f. in bowl, combine squash, 1 tablespoon olive oil, cayenne pepper, kosher salt and black pepper, if desired. place squash in single layer on aluminum foil-lined baking sheet. bake 12 minutes; flip. bake 8-12 minutes more, or until tender and slightly golden. set squash aside.

meanwhile, prepare croutons: in same bowl that you used for the squash, combine bread cubes, 1 tablespoon olive oil, 1 clove chopped garlic and a couple pinches red pepper flakes; season with kosher salt and black pepper, if desired. when the squash comes out of the oven, arrange croutons on baking sheet in single layer. bake 6-7 minutes, or until golden. flip and bake 5-7 minutes more, or until golden brown and crunchy throughout (if the croutons are not completely crunchy and you have leftovers, they will be soggy the next day. believe me: it's a bummer.)

meanwhile, place remaining garlic on cutting board. sprinkle with salt. let sit 5 minutes. cut and mash with sharp knife to form a chunky paste. transfer to a small bowl; add lemon juice and a remaining red pepper flakes. drizzle in olive oil, whisking constantly. add pecorino to dressing.

place kale in bowl (i use the same one that i used for the squash and croutons). top with squash and croutons (if you're going to save some of the salad for the next day, save some of the croutons, too). top with dressing and toss; let sit at least 10 minutes before serving.

caper and scallion cream cheese-stuffed bagels

i'll tell you this story and then,

i think you'll have an accurate picture

of me, who i am in the kitchen and,

probably, who i am in life.

picture me, on new year's day,

10:55 am, crouched down on the floor,

staring into my oven,

watching these bagels bake,

begging them not to be failure -

considering that i had invited

other people to eat breakfast

in ten minutes and was still in

my pajamas -

begging them to not lose their

cool and to please, please, please,

just brown without letting their

scallion and caper-laced

cream cheese centers

burst out from the sides.

and then,

one minute away from the 20-minute mark

of the 20 to 30 minute baking time,

i watched as one bagel -

the troublemaker,

the instigator,

the up-to-no-good bagel

as i now think of him -

oozed cream cheese out

its side.

i was pissed.

***

the best present larry gave me

for chanukah, was one i didn't even

know i wanted: milk,

the new cookbook from christina tosi

and momofuku milk bar.

i couldn't stop reading it.

every night that week, i pulled it onto my bed,

and eventually, read the entire thing

from david chang's forward to the bonus recipe

for crack pie.

the recipes are unique.

playful. childlike.

packed with technique

and a. lot. of steps. a lot.

after deciding i had a good handle on the book,

i realized i also

had high hopes of making three

recipes in the first week.

two - the banana cake and the corn

cookies - i was forced to skip,

after searching all around new jersey

for two hard to find ingredients

(banana extract and just corn,

respectively).

the third was the bagel bombs.

a bagel, made from a simple dough,

filled with frozen balls of cream cheese,

topped with poppy seeds

sesame seeds

kosher salt

dried onion

and baked until golden brown.

after i realized that three-quarters

of our new year's eve party would be

sleeping over, and we'd be adding two more

for brunch, it seemed

like the perfect time to experiment

with a recipe that serves eight.

so, on new year's eve,

while making appetizers,

and the boca negra,

we prepared the dough,

made the cream cheese filling

and stirred together the

seeded topping.

the only thing was this:

the dough was kind of funky.

it was wet and not interested in

coming together.

i mixed a little longer.

i added more flour.

against my better judgement,

i poured it into a bowl and decided

to let it rise to see what would happen.

and then, an hour later,

when the dough had risen,

but was still sticky and unmanageable,

i realized i had two choices:

abandon the bagel bombs

or

start over.

and, probably because at this point,

i needed to provide brunch and,

maybe because i had already made

all the other components,

i surprised myself by choosing

to redo the dough.

i measured everything again.

i remixed the dough.

and while i couldn't tell you

that we had a perfect ball

at the end of the mixing,

it was closer than we were ever going

to get with the first batch.

so, i turned the mixer speed up a bit,

beat for an extra two minutes,

and dumped the dough into the bowl.

after the mixture had risen,

i covered the bowl, placed it in the fridge,

and decided that i better make

a frittata, too.

the next morning,

while everyone was still waking up,

i chided myself for throwing two parties

within 12 hours of each other, then pulled

the dough out of the fridge to allow it to come

to room temperature. i prepared the ingredients

for this frittata.

by the time i was ready to get started,

i had an audience.

and let me tell you, that was the wrong

time to be on display.

my eight equal pieces, stretched out into

2 - 3-inch round discs, looked like this:

i was so grateful for the frittata.

and, for the strawberries waiting in the fridge.

as my sisters read me the directions,

i topped each piece with the cream cheese balls,

rolled the dough around them and was pleasantly

surprised when somehow,

they looked like this:

i brushed the balls with egg wash,

sprinkled all over with the everything bagel mix,

and asked the rounds for not the first or last time,

to please, please, please

not let me down.

***

now, i was torn.

the bagels were not deeply golden brown

as they were supposed to be,

but we were at the 22 minute mark

and five of the bagels were leaking.

i gave it two more minutes,

and then i couldn't take any more.

i had one perfect bagel left.

after i had taken the time to mix together

cream cheese,

scallions,

fried capers,

black pepper

and sugar,

then shape them into balls and freeze them

the day before,

i couldn't handle the thought of

all but one of my guests receiving empty bagels.

i pulled them out from the oven,

tried fruitlessly to gently tuck the cream cheese

back into the bread as instructed,

and realized that these were magic bagels

that spouted cream cheese, but were somehow,

sans culprit hole.

but then, when we sat down to eat,

everyone with a bagel and a slice of frittata on

their plate, i was thankful for a small miracle,

(and generously-sized cream cheese balls):

when torn open,

all the bagels were still stuffed.

there was enough, as my sister's fiance said,

to tear the top half off and dip it

into the cream cheese as you ate.

breakfast was not a bust.

the bagel bombs -

warm,

doughy

salty

and heavily

seeded -

were a hit.

that's why, when i walked into the kitchen,

and saw the parchment paper, just sitting there,

holding seven splotches of cream cheese,

i tried really hard to no longer

be pissed.

caper and scallion cream cheese-stuffed bagels

adapted from christina tosi and momofuku milk bar

there are several components to the recipe, broken down below. every piece can be made a couple days ahead of time, but the bagels need to be assembled the day that you are baking and serving. tosi says they are best served warm, but can be reheated later on or the next day. i didn't have leftovers to prove that theory.

1/2 dough recipe

fried caper and scallion cream cheese filling

1 egg

1/2 teaspoon water

everything bagel topping

heat oven to 350˚f. line baking sheet with parchment paper or silpat.

punch down dough; flatten the dough on a smooth and dry countertop. use dough cutter to divide dough into 8 pieces; using your fingers, gently stretch dough into a round, approximately 2-3" wide (note: i'd aim for three inches, if possible.)

top with one frozen ball cream cheese filling. bring edges of dough together around the ball and pinch together; gently roll dough between the palms of your hands until your dough resembles a ball shape. check to make sure that holes have not formed and all the cream cheese is enclosed. arrange 4-inches apart on prepared baking sheet. repeat with remaining dough and cream cheese balls.

in small bowl, whisk the egg and water. brush each ball with egg wash mixture. sprinkle top and sides generously with everything bagel topping.

bake 20-30 minutes, or until golden brown.

wrap remaining bagels in plastic and store in the fridge for up to three days.

regarding the cream cheese explosion, this is the exact note in the book:

"while in the oven, the bombs will become a deep golden brown and a few may have cream cheese explosions. continue baking until you see this happen! not to worry - serve them as is or use your fingers to tuck the cream cheese back inside the bagel bomb."

the dough

this is the recipe that tosi calls the mother dough. she uses it for several other recipes in the book. yes, i had trouble with it, but i don't know what my problem was and ultimately, the bagels turned out great, so i'm giving you tosi's recipe, as is.

3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (550 grams)

1 tablespoon kosher salt (12 grams)

1/2 packet or 1 1/8 teaspoon active dry yeast (3.5 grams)

1 3/4 cups water, at room temperature (370 grams)

grapeseed oil

in bowl of stand mixer, using the dough hook in your hand like a wooden spoon, stir together flour, salt and yeast. add the water in a steady stream, continuing to stir and mixing for 1 minute, until the mixture has come together.

attach the dough hook to the stand mixer. place the bowl in the mixer. on the lowest setting, mix dough 3 minutes, or until the dough is a ball, is smoother and is more cohesive. mix for 4 minutes more, still on the lowest speed. the dough should look like a wet ball and should bounce back softly when pressed.

brush large bowl with grapeseed oil; add the dough. cover with plastic wrap; let sit at room temperature 45 minutes to rise.

use to make bagel bombs; cover and put in the fridge or freeze for up to one week.

fried caper and scallion cream cheese

in milk, the mixture is made with scallions and thick cut bacon. much to larry's disappointment, i decided that i really wanted these to be vegetarian and crowd-friendly. so, using their recipe as a jumping off point, i tinkered to create a fried caper and scallion cream cheese - something i've been thinking about since eating, what i'm pretty sure was fried caper cream cheese under smoked salmon at a local breakfast spot. it was good, but i'm not sure it was worth the work or the oil, once frozen and baked. i'd probably just add plain capers next time.

1/4 cup olive oil

1 heaping tablespoon capers, dried well

7 ounces cream cheese, softened

3 scallions, thinly sliced

1 teaspoon sugar

1/4 teaspoon kosher salt

in small skillet over medium heat, warm olive oil until shimmering. add one caper. when the caper begins to sizzle, add remaining capers. let cook 45 seconds to 1 minutes, or until the capers open and begin to look like flowers. using slotted spoon, transfer capers to paper towel-lined plate and let cool. reserve caper oil.

in bowl of stand mixer on medium speed, beat cream cheese 1 minute, or until smooth. add 2 teaspoons olive oil from capers. beat 20 seconds, or until combined. add scallions, capers, sugar and salt; beat 20 seconds, or until combined.

divide cream cheese into 8 equal balls; place on aluminum foil-lined small sheet pan. freeze 1-3 hours, or until completely frozen. use immediately or transfer to an airtight container and store in freezer for up to 1 month.

everything bagel topping

i know how ridiculous this sounds, but once i started making the different components, this mixture was what i was most excited about. i've always had a soft spot for everything bagels and it made my day to realize that i could make the topping and use it for anything i so desired (i'm thinking fish).

3/4 teaspoon kosher salt (3 grams)

1 tablespoon white sesame seeds (6 grams)

2 teaspoons black sesame seeds (4 grams)

2 teaspoons poppy seeds (4 grams)

1 tablespoon dried onion flakes (4 grams)

1/2 teaspoon onion powder (2 grams)

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder (1 gram)

in small airtight container, stir together all ingredients. use immediately or use, ideally, within 6 months.