caper and scallion cream cheese-stuffed bagels

i'll tell you this story and then,

i think you'll have an accurate picture

of me, who i am in the kitchen and,

probably, who i am in life.

picture me, on new year's day,

10:55 am, crouched down on the floor,

staring into my oven,

watching these bagels bake,

begging them not to be failure -

considering that i had invited

other people to eat breakfast

in ten minutes and was still in

my pajamas -

begging them to not lose their

cool and to please, please, please,

just brown without letting their

scallion and caper-laced

cream cheese centers

burst out from the sides.

and then,

one minute away from the 20-minute mark

of the 20 to 30 minute baking time,

i watched as one bagel -

the troublemaker,

the instigator,

the up-to-no-good bagel

as i now think of him -

oozed cream cheese out

its side.

i was pissed.

***

the best present larry gave me

for chanukah, was one i didn't even

know i wanted: milk,

the new cookbook from christina tosi

and momofuku milk bar.

i couldn't stop reading it.

every night that week, i pulled it onto my bed,

and eventually, read the entire thing

from david chang's forward to the bonus recipe

for crack pie.

the recipes are unique.

playful. childlike.

packed with technique

and a. lot. of steps. a lot.

after deciding i had a good handle on the book,

i realized i also

had high hopes of making three

recipes in the first week.

two - the banana cake and the corn

cookies - i was forced to skip,

after searching all around new jersey

for two hard to find ingredients

(banana extract and just corn,

respectively).

the third was the bagel bombs.

a bagel, made from a simple dough,

filled with frozen balls of cream cheese,

topped with poppy seeds

sesame seeds

kosher salt

dried onion

and baked until golden brown.

after i realized that three-quarters

of our new year's eve party would be

sleeping over, and we'd be adding two more

for brunch, it seemed

like the perfect time to experiment

with a recipe that serves eight.

so, on new year's eve,

while making appetizers,

and the boca negra,

we prepared the dough,

made the cream cheese filling

and stirred together the

seeded topping.

the only thing was this:

the dough was kind of funky.

it was wet and not interested in

coming together.

i mixed a little longer.

i added more flour.

against my better judgement,

i poured it into a bowl and decided

to let it rise to see what would happen.

and then, an hour later,

when the dough had risen,

but was still sticky and unmanageable,

i realized i had two choices:

abandon the bagel bombs

or

start over.

and, probably because at this point,

i needed to provide brunch and,

maybe because i had already made

all the other components,

i surprised myself by choosing

to redo the dough.

i measured everything again.

i remixed the dough.

and while i couldn't tell you

that we had a perfect ball

at the end of the mixing,

it was closer than we were ever going

to get with the first batch.

so, i turned the mixer speed up a bit,

beat for an extra two minutes,

and dumped the dough into the bowl.

after the mixture had risen,

i covered the bowl, placed it in the fridge,

and decided that i better make

a frittata, too.

the next morning,

while everyone was still waking up,

i chided myself for throwing two parties

within 12 hours of each other, then pulled

the dough out of the fridge to allow it to come

to room temperature. i prepared the ingredients

for this frittata.

by the time i was ready to get started,

i had an audience.

and let me tell you, that was the wrong

time to be on display.

my eight equal pieces, stretched out into

2 - 3-inch round discs, looked like this:

i was so grateful for the frittata.

and, for the strawberries waiting in the fridge.

as my sisters read me the directions,

i topped each piece with the cream cheese balls,

rolled the dough around them and was pleasantly

surprised when somehow,

they looked like this:

i brushed the balls with egg wash,

sprinkled all over with the everything bagel mix,

and asked the rounds for not the first or last time,

to please, please, please

not let me down.

***

now, i was torn.

the bagels were not deeply golden brown

as they were supposed to be,

but we were at the 22 minute mark

and five of the bagels were leaking.

i gave it two more minutes,

and then i couldn't take any more.

i had one perfect bagel left.

after i had taken the time to mix together

cream cheese,

scallions,

fried capers,

black pepper

and sugar,

then shape them into balls and freeze them

the day before,

i couldn't handle the thought of

all but one of my guests receiving empty bagels.

i pulled them out from the oven,

tried fruitlessly to gently tuck the cream cheese

back into the bread as instructed,

and realized that these were magic bagels

that spouted cream cheese, but were somehow,

sans culprit hole.

but then, when we sat down to eat,

everyone with a bagel and a slice of frittata on

their plate, i was thankful for a small miracle,

(and generously-sized cream cheese balls):

when torn open,

all the bagels were still stuffed.

there was enough, as my sister's fiance said,

to tear the top half off and dip it

into the cream cheese as you ate.

breakfast was not a bust.

the bagel bombs -

warm,

doughy

salty

and heavily

seeded -

were a hit.

that's why, when i walked into the kitchen,

and saw the parchment paper, just sitting there,

holding seven splotches of cream cheese,

i tried really hard to no longer

be pissed.

caper and scallion cream cheese-stuffed bagels

adapted from christina tosi and momofuku milk bar

there are several components to the recipe, broken down below. every piece can be made a couple days ahead of time, but the bagels need to be assembled the day that you are baking and serving. tosi says they are best served warm, but can be reheated later on or the next day. i didn't have leftovers to prove that theory.

1/2 dough recipe

fried caper and scallion cream cheese filling

1 egg

1/2 teaspoon water

everything bagel topping

heat oven to 350˚f. line baking sheet with parchment paper or silpat.

punch down dough; flatten the dough on a smooth and dry countertop. use dough cutter to divide dough into 8 pieces; using your fingers, gently stretch dough into a round, approximately 2-3" wide (note: i'd aim for three inches, if possible.)

top with one frozen ball cream cheese filling. bring edges of dough together around the ball and pinch together; gently roll dough between the palms of your hands until your dough resembles a ball shape. check to make sure that holes have not formed and all the cream cheese is enclosed. arrange 4-inches apart on prepared baking sheet. repeat with remaining dough and cream cheese balls.

in small bowl, whisk the egg and water. brush each ball with egg wash mixture. sprinkle top and sides generously with everything bagel topping.

bake 20-30 minutes, or until golden brown.

wrap remaining bagels in plastic and store in the fridge for up to three days.

regarding the cream cheese explosion, this is the exact note in the book:

"while in the oven, the bombs will become a deep golden brown and a few may have cream cheese explosions. continue baking until you see this happen! not to worry - serve them as is or use your fingers to tuck the cream cheese back inside the bagel bomb."

the dough

this is the recipe that tosi calls the mother dough. she uses it for several other recipes in the book. yes, i had trouble with it, but i don't know what my problem was and ultimately, the bagels turned out great, so i'm giving you tosi's recipe, as is.

3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (550 grams)

1 tablespoon kosher salt (12 grams)

1/2 packet or 1 1/8 teaspoon active dry yeast (3.5 grams)

1 3/4 cups water, at room temperature (370 grams)

grapeseed oil

in bowl of stand mixer, using the dough hook in your hand like a wooden spoon, stir together flour, salt and yeast. add the water in a steady stream, continuing to stir and mixing for 1 minute, until the mixture has come together.

attach the dough hook to the stand mixer. place the bowl in the mixer. on the lowest setting, mix dough 3 minutes, or until the dough is a ball, is smoother and is more cohesive. mix for 4 minutes more, still on the lowest speed. the dough should look like a wet ball and should bounce back softly when pressed.

brush large bowl with grapeseed oil; add the dough. cover with plastic wrap; let sit at room temperature 45 minutes to rise.

use to make bagel bombs; cover and put in the fridge or freeze for up to one week.

fried caper and scallion cream cheese

in milk, the mixture is made with scallions and thick cut bacon. much to larry's disappointment, i decided that i really wanted these to be vegetarian and crowd-friendly. so, using their recipe as a jumping off point, i tinkered to create a fried caper and scallion cream cheese - something i've been thinking about since eating, what i'm pretty sure was fried caper cream cheese under smoked salmon at a local breakfast spot. it was good, but i'm not sure it was worth the work or the oil, once frozen and baked. i'd probably just add plain capers next time.

1/4 cup olive oil

1 heaping tablespoon capers, dried well

7 ounces cream cheese, softened

3 scallions, thinly sliced

1 teaspoon sugar

1/4 teaspoon kosher salt

in small skillet over medium heat, warm olive oil until shimmering. add one caper. when the caper begins to sizzle, add remaining capers. let cook 45 seconds to 1 minutes, or until the capers open and begin to look like flowers. using slotted spoon, transfer capers to paper towel-lined plate and let cool. reserve caper oil.

in bowl of stand mixer on medium speed, beat cream cheese 1 minute, or until smooth. add 2 teaspoons olive oil from capers. beat 20 seconds, or until combined. add scallions, capers, sugar and salt; beat 20 seconds, or until combined.

divide cream cheese into 8 equal balls; place on aluminum foil-lined small sheet pan. freeze 1-3 hours, or until completely frozen. use immediately or transfer to an airtight container and store in freezer for up to 1 month.

everything bagel topping

i know how ridiculous this sounds, but once i started making the different components, this mixture was what i was most excited about. i've always had a soft spot for everything bagels and it made my day to realize that i could make the topping and use it for anything i so desired (i'm thinking fish).

3/4 teaspoon kosher salt (3 grams)

1 tablespoon white sesame seeds (6 grams)

2 teaspoons black sesame seeds (4 grams)

2 teaspoons poppy seeds (4 grams)

1 tablespoon dried onion flakes (4 grams)

1/2 teaspoon onion powder (2 grams)

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder (1 gram)

in small airtight container, stir together all ingredients. use immediately or use, ideally, within 6 months.