cleaning house

i wish i had known

when i wrote about sardine sandwiches

that it would be my last post for quite a while.

i don't think i could have tried harder to post -

if you saw my blog drafts,

(there are many)

all started,

never finished and soon to be deleted,

you would believe me.

but maybe, i would have told you

about something else.

i mean, really. who goes out with a post

about canned sardines?

the thing is, i didn't anticipate what

packing, and emotionally dealing with moving,

would do to the rest of my life.

in short, it crimped me.

in long, it forced me to live amongst boxes,

with the guilt of

not packing enough,

not packing quick enough,

not packing smart enough.

it left my feelings alternating between

just wanting to walk into a room without kicking

a box, or without losing the room assigning marker, or

worry about how to cryptically label my grandmother's crystal,

lest the movers decided to steal it,

thank you very much,

and

feeling incredible sadness when i realized again and again

that i was leaving our apartment.

so while larry

packed parts of the liquor cabinet,

dealt with the spices and dismantled the things that

made our everyday lives our everyday lives,

i cooked.

because i can deal with cooking.

and unlike packing, or emotional distress,

i am good at cooking.

i even took pictures for a little while there -

thank goodness, because they give me something

to blog about now that all the dust has settled,

we're on the other side and i've decided that

unpacking is a significantly better proposition -

but blogging? it just wasn't happening.

here, a few highlights:

i made homemade nutella for my friends, tricia and lauren, two people who deserve more than a little dinky jar of chocolate-hazelnut spread and a tiny mention. they were always good friends, but i have to tell you that after helping us move out of the apartment, one hour later lauren jump-started the kitchen unpacking in the new house, then stayed for six more hours in an attempt to get it in order while tricia talked me off the ledge on the first night home of my very trying commute.

three times i tried to tell you about the black garlic and preserved lemon hummus i made using leftover cooked garbanzos. three times! but for some reason, it wasn't meant to be. i'll give you a little bit now: this hummus uses one of my new favorite things (black garlic), it's nice and briny (thanks to the preserved lemon) and it tasted really lovely drizzled with a bit of walnut oil.

probably, most people, when strapped for time, don't want to deal with cooking beans, even those as beautiful as christmas limas by rancho gordo. i kind of didn't. but, i did to decent, but not brag-worthy, results. i made tacos sprinkled with an unbelievable sheep's milk feta, thick broiled scallions and a fresh, tart and citrusy tomatillo salsa. the tacos, though - they weren't so pretty. and the apartment was hot when i was finished.

on one of those nights in which i just had to get home, cook, eat and then think, i tossed together a modified (read: i really needed to use up the wild arugula in the fridge and why in the world does the recipe call for all that butter?) version of this pasta with a tomato-gorgonzola sauce. yum.

i've often read that umami-rich shiitakes make a good, meaty and flavorful replacement for bacon. i think i've tried it in the past to my satisfaction, but it was probably not the best move when making this mild egg-topped asparagus-tossed soba. don't get me wrong, the mushrooms were as great as usual, but they weren't really able to carry the whole dish the way i'm sure bacon could have. like often happens, the noodles (sans egg) were much improved for the next day's leftovers.

i don't think i can adequately explain to you my excitement, when after enjoying a great dim sum mother's day with my family, we walked into the chinese market next door and i finally found a green papaya. i've been to korean, japanese and very modern grocery stores and i've never been able to find one (nor have i been able to find a thai store, where i'm sure they would have been waiting by the bin-full). even though we were knee-deep in boxes, i bought it, along with some very tiny dried shrimp, and cobbled together a recipe.

and, here, no food, but a small area of boxes, in between our living room and our dining room. now, sadly, i kind of remember our apartment like this, instead of how it looked when we lived in it. just seeing the stacks make me shudder.

cottage canoes

i have been writing this

blog post for two weeks.

yes, two weeks.

at first, i was going to

tell you about every recipe

i made at the super bowl,

because, really, i thought they

were all worth it,

each deserving their own

blog post and story, because

really, each had one.

then, when it became a week

since super bowl sunday,

and still no post, it seemed

absolutely silly to talk about

the super bowl when everyone

else had moved onto

valentine's day and mardi gras.

so, i tried to condense five

recipes into one post -

a not lazy. rustic. first.

but alas, it just didn't work

and five recipes are an awful

lot to tell you about in one

sitting.

and the more

i thought about it, the more

i wanted to tell you about them,

but the further we were from super bowl

and i felt trapped, because i didn't just

want to jump ahead to another recipe.

it was a terrible circle of

self-loathing and blogging inadequacy.

so tonight when i was driving home from

work, it struck me:

move on, don't look back -

it's just a blog.

so here, i finally got over myself.

i'm giving you brief stories with links,

and a recipe for what i think

was a crowd favorite.

and then, maybe, we can all

just be ok.

--

last year, i swore that

this year's super bowl would

be much easier on me,

mentally.

i swore that i would not

spend hours stressing

over what we would eat,

or hours cooking

whatever it is i finally

decide upon and

that i would write

about it all the next day

(well that part wasn't in the post,

but in my head. clearly,

this is where i failed miserably).

looking back,

i guess i'll have to take

one out of three.

and because i think

every recipe is worth sharing,

but it has taken me an unspeakably

long time to tell you about them,

here they are,

one by one.

i decided very quickly that

i wanted to host a mini chili

party, similar to what my mom

used to do when we were growing up:

three or four soups would

simmer on the stove and guests would get

a bowl,

a table full of toppings and

an unlimited pass to the saucepots.

picking the chilies,

were easy, too.

i remembered two that i've made in the past,

both found on epicurious,

one out of bon appetit,

the other, originally, in gourmet.

the first was vegetarian,

a hodgepodge of

onions

black beans

sweet potatoes

poblanos

and garlic,

all simmered in a couple cups

of orange juice.

i chopped everything,

save for the sweet potatoes

the night before and when it

was time to make, emptied

each bag into the pot, one by one.

for some reason, this pre-planning

on my part, thrilled me to no end.

while the mixture was good the

night of the super bowl,

i really wish i had prepared it

the night before - it was much

more delicious the next day.

the second,

equally simple,

featured only,

chicken pulled off a rotisserie bird

and pinto beans.

these are simmered inside a blender sauce of

dried chilies,

stewed tomatoes,

chicken broth,

nuts,

cilantro,

onion and garlic.

i couldn't find the new mexico dried chilies

called for in the dish. instead, i used simply,

dried green chilies, which worked well,

but i do not know enough about chilies

to be able to tell how how different the

final flavor was.

i knew they would be good.

they were easy.

and they were fast.

this of course,

gave me plenty of time to focus

on appetizers.

both of which, again, i picked

pretty quickly.

i decided to revisit a snack i'd

made years ago for a barbecue

at larry's, when we were first dating.

i had convinced lauren to come with me -

i was way too afraid to go alone.

and, after stumbling across a recipe for

previously unheard of cottage canoes,

i decided that i would charm

his friends with my cooking.

cottage canoes,

the homemade,

non-fried version of

jalapeno poppers -

named, if i remember correctly,

for their resemblance to the boats

that line the cottage lakes

in canada -

seemed like the perfect way to

win guys over.

instead, i burned my fingers

on the peppers, could not figure out

a good method for stuffing,

or breading,

realized too late that i had to learn

larry's oven to bake them and

then, understood that while lauren

and i were very prompt for the party,

most people would not show up

to this all-day summer bash

for many more hours.

lauren,

larry,

his brother, david,

and i,

ate them ourselves

and we spent a long time

discussing their name.

it had been quite a while since i made

cottage canoes -

i couldn't even remember which

cookbook i had found them in -

but i found a recipe online,

and figured that was all i needed.

i tried my hardest to slice most

of the peppers so that they

each had a stem "handle"

and when i made the cheese

mixture - to which

i added chopped onions,

lime juice and hot sauce,

i let it sit out and

soften so that i could pipe the cheese

into the cavity of the peppers.

i also convinced larry

to be the egg dunker so that

i could quickly pass the wet peppers

through breadcrumbs.

much easier this time around.

these baked much better than i remembered -

the peppers softened into pleasant bites,

the cheese melty and the very thin

breading, there just enough to count.

after a few, lauren noted that eating these

was a game of jalapeno roulette:

some had such little spice that you forgot

they could have heat and the next one

would zap you and then cling

to your tongue for dear life, refusing to

relinquish its burn-your-mouth hold.

we kind of loved it.

next up,

was a should-i? or shouldn't-i? add in.

as part of my job,

i sometimes teach children's cooking classes.

a couple months ago,

i had the bright idea that it would be fun

to make soft pretzels with the kids.

the day of, at the end of january,

i was a ball of nerves,

imagining burnt dough,

not cooked dough,

not pretzel-tasting dough,

or worse.

but in the end - thanks to a lot of help -

they came together beautifully.

so, of course, i thought,

pretzel bites for super bowl.

i can do this, i thought:

you make a yeast dough,

set it aside to rise,

cut into shape,

boil in baking soda-laced water,

then coat with egg,

sprinkle with salt

and bake.

and these? they were easy,

but of course, they had to be

made day of.

so somehow,

in spite of myself,

it was 3pm the day of the super bowl.

i had been cooking since 8:30,

was still in my pajamas,

and my coffee - my coffee that i look

so forward to every morning - sat

mostly untouched.

thank goodness i had made the dessert,

salted brown butter rice krispies squares

from smitten kitchen, the night before.

(side note: this is the best dessert to make

when you are in a hurry. the entire thing

takes less than 10 minutes to mix together

and everyone will love this sophisticated

version of a childhood treat.)

another year.

another super bowl.

and now, i can switch my focus

back to where it belongs -

the end of february and

the dinners that come with it.

cottage canoes

adapted from the canadian food network

i don't remember enough to tell you if i made the same recipe both times, but i can tell you one thing for certain: last time i did not tinker with it. this time, i couldn't stop. i just like things to pop with flavor, not just be cheesy. so i increased the scallions and added onions, lime juice, hot sauce and a clove of garlic - all things that i think made a difference in the end.

12 jalapeno peppers, halved

1 1/2 cups extra sharp cheddar cheese, finely shredded (i used the smallest hole on my box grater)

1/4 cup mayonnaise

3/4 teaspoon worcestershire sauce

1/2 lime, juiced

10 drops garlic-lime hot sauce

2 scallions, trimmed and thinly sliced

1/4 small onion, finely chopped

1 clove garlic, peeled and finely chopped

2 eggs, beaten

1 cup breadcrumbs (seasoned, if you want)

heat oven 350˚f. using small spoon, remove seeds and membranes from peppers. place peppers, cut side up, on a flat surface.

in bowl, combine cheese, mayonnaise, worcestershire sauce, lime juice, hot sauce, scallions, onion and garlic; set aside until very soft. transfer to a small plastic bag. twist bag to secure and snip corner. pipe cheese mixture into pepper cavities. using your finger, flatten cheese.

chill peppers at least 1 hour.

dip peppers, one at a time, into beaten egg. let as much egg drip off as possible and then coat with bread crumbs, shaking off excess. place breaded pepper on greased baking sheet. gently coat with cooking spray or olive oil spray.

bake 15-20 minutes, or until peppers are cooked through, the cheese is melted and the tops are just golden brown.