thanksgiving - one week later

i kind of hate the fact

that it has been so long

since my last post. and really,

there's no good excuse, except

that over the past

two weeks i've been sick,

with two separate illnesses -

neither dire, but both enough

to pin me to the couch

for several days at a time.

and most of fall at my

job is spent preparing

for the week of thanksgiving.

but it's been too long.

so while i'm gathering the

strength to tell you about

the dessert i make every

thanksgiving (but can also

be made all fall and winter

long), here is some of our

food from last thursday.

the dining room table, with only about half the food on it.

my mom's stuffing, which she makes every year. it is a very basic, no-frills side dish with nothing more than soft onions to chew on, but we love it and thanksgiving would not be the same without it. so, she makes it, but every year - in effort to turn us to a different dish, she tries her hand at a new one. this year...

...it was taken from the food52 contest for best stuffing. my mom made the challah, mushroom and celery from mrs. wheelbarrow's kitchen. she added roast chestnuts and it was lovely.

rosemary and brown butter applesauce via codfish and caviar, via bon appetit magazine. i was skeptical about this recipe, but still, i wanted to make it. i'm so glad i did. it is truly a savory and unique applesauce that will not be found on every table.

blair's sweet potatoes. blair has made this dish for as long as both of us can remember. it is a traditional sweet potato casserole, with pineapples. this year, she added a crumb topping, along with the marshmallows.

wine...well needed to help me unwind from the week i had had. unfortunately, i was very tired and i don't even think i finished my one glass.

still, we had port with dessert.

this is another dish from the it's-been-at-every-thanksgiving files. my mom has been making her bourbon pecan pie for forever. i have distinct memories of one bottle of bourbon sitting on the top shelf, pulled down only once a year to make this pie.

brown sugar and pecan shortbread

there are two types of people:

those who went to camp and

those who not only didn't,

but don't understand how the

people who did, can recite

a camp song at a moment's notice.

from the age of 6

until the age of 18

i spent my summers

at camp.

some of those years,

i was working,

first as a waitress

(yes, we had waitresses at camp)

and then as a counselor.

most importantly,

the last 10 years were

spent all at the same camp,

making the collection of summers

a huge chunk of my childhood memories.

it was, thank goodness, a former

sleep-away camp that had been

converted into a day camp.

i don't think i was the kind of

kid who could have handled

eight weeks away from my own house.

but we had tennis teams and ceramics,

jewelry-making and nature,

two swims a day, s'mores,

talent shows, counselor shows,

ultimate frisbee and color war.

on good days we had ice cream sandwiches

or watermelon at snack time.

on bad days? ice pops. usually orange.

when it rained,

we went bowling or roller skating

or stayed in our bunks listening

to a group leader tell us

the same scary story year after year.

and when the last day of camp came,

preciously close to my birthday each year,

we sobbed.

because, above all else,

camp for us was about friends.

friends who lived just far enough

away, that we rarely saw each

other throughout the school year.

who we would send letters to -

when you are young, 20 to 30

minute distances might as

well be the other side of the country -

in efforts to keep in touch during

the winter. friends who somehow

felt like your best friends in

the world, who knew the most

about you, who knew

who kissed who

on the picnic tables

during free swim and knew

who always got the shaft

when the poor waitress

set a tray of nine pizzas down to

a table of 10 girls.

when we were 9, we made lanyards

and crossed our fingers that we would

all get our blue tags so that we

could swim and dive together

in the deepest end of the pool.

by 11, we hosted sleepovers,

trying to stay awake and succeeding,

thanks to the peanut butter cups, twizzlers

and store-bought chocolate chip cookies

we insisted our moms' bought.

at 15 we were waitresses.

we snuck frozen pb&j sandwiches,

from the walk-in every day before we left,

fought over boys

and at the end of the summer,

sang a song about camp

that a couple of girls had written

to the tune of sunshine day from the brady bunch

and hard-knock life from annie

in the counselor show.

and at 16, we planned nights to

have parties at each other's homes,

see tom petty, the cranberries

and once, montel jordan, in concert.

eight weeks at camp is

a year in the real world.

my last day of camp

was a thursday, one day before

the official last day of season.

and one day before i left for college.

non-camp people cannot understand

that. but 12 years later, i still am not ashamed.

pine grove played a big role in my life.

and gave me some of my closest friends.

lauren is from camp - we bonded at 10

after learning that we both had the same

pink towel that boasted ballet slippers

and our names, respectively, in embroidery.

and, my freshmen and sophomore year

college roommate was from camp.

by the end of college,

i had lost touch with almost

everyone, save for lauren.

a few years later, the two of us

got back in touch with one,

another lauren (there were actually

five of them altogether). and a year

after that, we decided to look up

and then find, our friend, alexis.

the first time we went out to dinner -

a group of four 25-year-olds,

not the group of 11-14 teenagers

we once were - i looked around the table

and saw us as 16. sure, now we had

college degrees, jobs, boyfriends (and,

for one, a husband), but it was obvious

that we fell right back into place,

in a way that you can only do with

certain people.

none of us live very close to the others,

but we've stayed in each other's lives

for the past five years: meeting for

dinner, going to each other's weddings

and most recently, alexis' baby shower in june.

alexis' daughter, riley was born in august,

and this past weekend

lauren and i finally met her.

i wanted to bring them something

nice, but let's face it,

i am not crafty.

so, i baked.

(but, um, lauren brought an adorable

onsie - why didn't that cross my mind?)

i turned to one of my favorite books

to rely on: alice medrich's pure dessert

(she of the olive oil and sherry pound cakes).

i have many one-day-i-will-make recipes

mentally marked off in that book

and i was glad to finally bake the

brown sugar and pecan shortbread,

made from raw sugars.

even though i love baking,

when it comes to cookies,

i'm a huge fan of the bar variety.

you mix, press, pat and bake -

no dropping spoonfuls of dough

on cookie sheet after cookie sheet,

cooling the pans, rotating and

spending hours at the oven in

11 minute increments.

usually.

these cookies worked out for

me this time, but normally

they might have a step too

many to be considered

a simple bar cookie.

you make the dough,

which couldn't be simpler:

melted butter

rum

vanilla extract

muscovado sugar

flour

pecans

and

salt,

press it into the foil-lined pan

and then wait several hours.

i got this far and then realized

something: i had no desire to

be in my apartment any more.

larry had been away for work

for several days already and

suddenly, everything seemed

very quiet. so instead of

sucking it up and staying,

i piled

everything -

the pan filled with dough,

the cookbook,

extra pecans for pressing,

demerara sugar for sprinkling

two large knives for cutting,

and a tin for giving - into

a bag and headed to my mom's,

an hour away.

i was a sight,

showing up with

my large pocketbook,

camera bag,

overnight bag,

cookie bag

and no coat,

all for one evening.

and after a few tries,

i was able to explain

to my mom that yes,

i brought unbaked dough

to her house and yes, it

was going to sit on her

counter for a few hours

longer before i have to

bake them,

cut them into squares,

place them on a baking sheet

and bake again.

nothing about this recipe

was hard. at all. i even

cut something resembling

squares without

traumatizing myself.

but, this nutty shortbread

is not especially fast.

it is however bursting

with two types of

raw brown sugar,

toasted pecans,

a rich butteryness

and a slight crunch,

thanks to the second

bake in the oven.

and they're more than

worth it for an old friend.

especially one, that you used to

eat lorna doones with at snacktime,

something i remembered

as i pulled them out of the oven.

i loved these cookies because, yes,

they'll crumble in your mouth,

but they survived a rainy trip to

staten island without breaking.

for me, they were the perfect thing

to bring to alexis and her family.

they ate them, one hand on the cookie,

the other on riley,

just as i hoped it would be.

(oh, and while i was busy baking,

my sister was at a wedding. one of

her camp friends was getting married.)

brown sugar and pecan shortbread

adapted from alice medrich's pure dessert

the original recipe was to be baked in a 8" pan, but i used a 9" so i multiplied everything by one-quarter. i have no idea if that's the correct conversion, but it worked well for me. the other change i made was that i only had dark muscovado sugar and the store did not have any, so i used something called golden bakers, which when eaten out of hand reminded me a bit of dried pineapples. once baked in, it just tasted like a lovely, rich brown sugar. oh, and one last thing: this dough looked kind of funky and overly buttery when i first pressed it into the pan, but by the time i baked it, it looked much more normal, like a real dough.

15 tablespoons (1 stick, 7 tablespoons), unsalted butter, melted and still warm

1/2 cup, plus 2 1/2 tablespoons firmly packed light muscovado or golden bakers sugar

1 1/2 tablespoons dark rum

1 1/3ish teaspoons vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 1/2 cups, plus 6 tablespoons all-purpose flour

heaping 2/3 cup pecans, chopped

demerara, turbinado or granulated sugar for sprinkling (i used demera)

line bottom and sides of 9" baking pan with aluminum foil. in bowl, stir together melted butter, sugar, rum, vanilla extract and salt. add the flour and half the pecans; mix just until combined. transfer to prepared pan. pat in evenly. let stand 2 hours or overnight (no need to refrigerate).

position a rack in the lower third of the oven. heat oven to 300˚f.

sprinkle remaining pecans over the dough; gently press into surface. bake 45 minutes. remove pan from oven (leave the oven on). sprinkle the shortbread with demerara sugar. let cool 10 minutes.

using foil, carefully remove cookies from pan and transfer to cutting board, making sure not to break them. using a sharp, thin, long knife, cut into squares (i made 25). place pieces slightly apart on a parchment or silpat-lined baking sheet. bake 15 minutes; let sit on pan 2 minutes.

using spatula, transfer to cooling rack; let cool completely. transfer to an airtight container.

*i'm not going to lie. in that picture of alexis and riley, she is actually opening lauren's gift. not eating a cookie.

a week in cupcakes: july 21

my father spent the last year

in texas, and his july 17 birthday

was no exception.

so the next local celebration

was my mother's the tuesday

following blair's.

there was nothing i could do

about the fact that her birthday

fell on a tuesday

(in fact, when it comes to birthdays,

mine, my mom's and blair's always

falls on the same day of the week),

but this time i had learned from

my mistakes.

there was no way that i was

getting caught in a meeting,

coming home from work

late or tossing (delicious)

sauteed cabbage on the table

after 10 pm

and calling it

dinner.

yes, i had matured,

lived to see some things that

weren't pretty about my behavior

and set out to

change them.

all in one week.

i've talked before about

our love for carrot cake and

how sadly we were never

given the recipe to our favorite

one ever. yes, we're people who

like to cook, enjoy food that

comes out of our kitchen and like

little italian bistros, japanese joints

and tiny seafood restaurants

over the chains. but years ago,

my sisters and i loved friday's.

for the most part, i have

no idea why and i won't even

bother to try to explain it.

while i'm sure that the vanilla coke

and pizzadillas and salads

and sandwiches are nowhere near

what i remember, i am positive

that their carrot cake - which we

were only allowed on birthdays (yes,

that's where we chose to go) and after

dance recitals - was

delicious.

a big part of the reason i'm sure?

my mom still swears it was

amazing too,

and she is not clouded

by blurry childhood memories.

she knew what she was tasting:

a cake, ultra moist from the pineapple,

very orange from all

the carrots,

dotted with toasted nuts,

coconut

and juicy raisins,

then smeared with sweet

cream cheese frosting.

the huge piece, so loaded

with ingredients, was impossible

to trim into a perfect square,

but instead, always looked like

it had been cut by a child with

a plastic knife and, in turn,

was uneven in shape

and ragged around the edges.

it was the best carrot cake ever.

it hurt just a little when they

refused to give us the recipe,

and years later, when as i've already

told you, i tasted a cake just as good

and again, i was refused the recipe.

and we've had good carrot cakes

over the years, but never one

that has matched the quality -

or that we were made privy

to the recipe.

we try. a few years ago for my

mom's birthday, i made one

from emeril and while it

was ok and frosting, probably

the best i've ever had,

it wasn't it. but it did teach me

one thing, i like carrot cakes made

with oil, not butter.

i made these a year or two

later and they were very good,

but obviously not a cake.

and so this time, while in

cupcake mode, i knew

that it was time to give a

new recipe another try.

this one had pineapple,

coconut, nuts (and i could add raisins),

plus it received 4 forks

from a combined 129 reviewers -

who was i to argue?

i immediately decided that i would

change a few things, like swap the

macadamia nuts for pecans,

leave out the crystallized ginger,

add the aforementioned raisins

and add nutmeg.

plus, it was oil-based.

it looked pretty straightforward.

and delicious.

the monday before my mom's

birthday, i followed my rules:

i left at 5:30 on the dot,

shopped for the pineapple,

pecans and cream cheese

and was home before 6:20.

the hiccups were few -

actually just one, sad thing:

i really thought that i had

coconut leftover from a batch

of marshmallows, but after

emptying the cabinets,

i had an epiphany, one hour too late:

no coconut. i had toasted the whole

bag last time. it was a bummer,

but we were pushing on.

with larry's help,

i toasted the pecans

and ground them with the flour

he had just sifted, while he filled

the muffin pans with liners.

then, as he

whisked together the dry

ingredients (and turned me into

his sous chef, responsible

for putting the baking powder,

salt, cinnamon and baking soda

away), i was able to measure

raisins, drain the pineapple

and mix together the oil,

sugar and eggs.

it was synergy in the best way.

we were so efficient, however,

that the pictures are not

plentiful. the first time i

remembered to pull out the camera,

the batter was divied out.

the frosting came together

well - a traditional cream cheese

base with a cream of coconut

swirl. i loved that the mixture

had the flavor of coconut,

without the texture

that for some, can be off-putting.

i do wish, that i had the coconut

extract that most likely, took

the whole mixture to another

level. i've just never been able to

find a natural coconut extract

locally.

they rose beautifully,

but i did notice right away

that instead of the orange color

that sings true delicious carrot cake

to me, they were a golden brown,

more of a spice cake ringer.

as they cooled and the frosting

chilled, i actually had

time to make a real

honest to goodness dinner,

which larry cleaned up as

i frosted the cake. i had intended

to use a different tip than i had

for blair's, but unfortunately,

my other piping tips seemed

to have gathered together for

a summer strike - they were

nowhere to be found.

once frosted, they were pretty,

but i felt they needed just a bit

more. a gentle sprinkle of

clear crystals from my sugar

stash made them sparkle.

for the third time in less

than 10 days,

we pulled out the cupcake

carrier and carefully loaded

the cupcakes inside.

the whole thing was tucked

into its faithful spot in

the fridge, ready and waiting

for the next day.

this time, larry and i were

able to drive down together

making me happy for me

and the cupcakes.

last minute,

we ended up at a different

restaurant and we were there

first. i handed the large

carrier to the hostess, with

a candle, asking her to fridge

them for us until they were

ready.

after a good, fun dinner that was

somewhat different than

we expected - who knew that

they only serve large pizzas

for takeout? - they carried out

the carrier (i learned my lesson

this time and just left the cake plate

in the car), holding cupcakes

that looked kind of wilted,

and one candle lit.

we sang happy birthday twice.

the cupcakes were good.

they made me remember how much i

love pineapple in carrot cake,

which was probably worth it,

just for that.

i think that if it was our first

exposure to carrot cake,

we probably would have

considered them very good.

but there was something missing.

yes, they were void of coconut,

but i think it was more than that.

for me, i could have left off the frosting

and called them a hearty muffin.

so, i'm still looking for the ultimate

carrot cake recipe.

but, for one night, it didn't really

matter.

we still were together,

celebrating another birthday

with another round of cupcakes.

and that's worth more than

all of the best recipes,

huddled together,

mocking us, in our pursuit

for carrot cake perfection.

loaded carrot cupcakes with cream of coconut cream cheese frosting

adapated from bon appetit magazine

i did make quite a few changes to this recipe, which i suppose could have contributed to the final this-is-not-the-cake-we've-been-searching-for-cake, but i know in my heart, that this is just not the one. that being, said, i have to express that it's still a yummy cupcake or muffin - it's just in its own category. as i already said, i switched the nuts out, left out the crystallized ginger, accidentally had to leave out the coconut (which i would have loved), added raisins and sprinkled in some nutmeg.

2 1/3 sifted all-purpose flour (sift, then measure)

1 cup pecans, toasted

1 tablespoon, plus 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

2 cups sugar

1 cup vegetable oil

4 large eggs

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

2 cups finely grated peeled carrots

3/4 cup golden raisins

1 can (14 ounces) crushed pineapple, juice drained

heat oven to 350˚f. line 24 wells of muffin pan with cupcake liners. set aside.

in food processor, combine 1/3 cup flour and pecans until just chopped; you still want pieces of the pecans; set aside.

in bowl, whisk together flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, baking powder, salt and baking soda; set aside.

in bowl of an electric mixer, beat sugar and oil until completely blended. add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. add vanilla extract; beat until combined. add flour mixture in two parts, stirring slightly to combine before beating the mixture. beat to completely combine. add pecan mixture; beat to combine. stir in carrots, raisins and crushed pineapple.

divide cupcake batter among muffin liners, filling 2/3-3/4 of the way full. bake 18-22 minutes, or until toothpick inserted in cakes comes out completely clean. let cool in pan on rack 10 minutes.

transfer cupcakes to rack; let cool completely.

when cool, frost cupcakes with frosting, using offset spatula or piping bag (i used a large plain tip). sprinkle with clear sugar crystals, if desired.

cream of coconut cream cheese frosting

to use the frosting for cupcakes instead of the cake, i reduced the amounts by one-third and it was the perfect amount. i didn't add the coconut extract, because i didn't have any, but i think that if you have it on hand, the 1/2 teaspoon would add a really delicious element.

2 packages (8 ounces each) cream cheese, at room temperature

1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, at room temperature

2 cups confectioners' sugar

1/2 cup well stirred cream of coconut, like coco lopez

2/3 teaspoon vanilla extract

in bowl of electric mixer, beat cream cheese and butter until completely combined, making sure to scrape the bottom of the bowl with a spatula. stir in confectioners' sugar; beat to completely combine. add cream of coconut and vanilla extract; beat just until combined. adjust confectioners' sugar, if necessary, for flavor and texture. chill 30 minutes, or until firm enough to spread.