brown sugar and pecan shortbread

there are two types of people:

those who went to camp and

those who not only didn't,

but don't understand how the

people who did, can recite

a camp song at a moment's notice.

from the age of 6

until the age of 18

i spent my summers

at camp.

some of those years,

i was working,

first as a waitress

(yes, we had waitresses at camp)

and then as a counselor.

most importantly,

the last 10 years were

spent all at the same camp,

making the collection of summers

a huge chunk of my childhood memories.

it was, thank goodness, a former

sleep-away camp that had been

converted into a day camp.

i don't think i was the kind of

kid who could have handled

eight weeks away from my own house.

but we had tennis teams and ceramics,

jewelry-making and nature,

two swims a day, s'mores,

talent shows, counselor shows,

ultimate frisbee and color war.

on good days we had ice cream sandwiches

or watermelon at snack time.

on bad days? ice pops. usually orange.

when it rained,

we went bowling or roller skating

or stayed in our bunks listening

to a group leader tell us

the same scary story year after year.

and when the last day of camp came,

preciously close to my birthday each year,

we sobbed.

because, above all else,

camp for us was about friends.

friends who lived just far enough

away, that we rarely saw each

other throughout the school year.

who we would send letters to -

when you are young, 20 to 30

minute distances might as

well be the other side of the country -

in efforts to keep in touch during

the winter. friends who somehow

felt like your best friends in

the world, who knew the most

about you, who knew

who kissed who

on the picnic tables

during free swim and knew

who always got the shaft

when the poor waitress

set a tray of nine pizzas down to

a table of 10 girls.

when we were 9, we made lanyards

and crossed our fingers that we would

all get our blue tags so that we

could swim and dive together

in the deepest end of the pool.

by 11, we hosted sleepovers,

trying to stay awake and succeeding,

thanks to the peanut butter cups, twizzlers

and store-bought chocolate chip cookies

we insisted our moms' bought.

at 15 we were waitresses.

we snuck frozen pb&j sandwiches,

from the walk-in every day before we left,

fought over boys

and at the end of the summer,

sang a song about camp

that a couple of girls had written

to the tune of sunshine day from the brady bunch

and hard-knock life from annie

in the counselor show.

and at 16, we planned nights to

have parties at each other's homes,

see tom petty, the cranberries

and once, montel jordan, in concert.

eight weeks at camp is

a year in the real world.

my last day of camp

was a thursday, one day before

the official last day of season.

and one day before i left for college.

non-camp people cannot understand

that. but 12 years later, i still am not ashamed.

pine grove played a big role in my life.

and gave me some of my closest friends.

lauren is from camp - we bonded at 10

after learning that we both had the same

pink towel that boasted ballet slippers

and our names, respectively, in embroidery.

and, my freshmen and sophomore year

college roommate was from camp.

by the end of college,

i had lost touch with almost

everyone, save for lauren.

a few years later, the two of us

got back in touch with one,

another lauren (there were actually

five of them altogether). and a year

after that, we decided to look up

and then find, our friend, alexis.

the first time we went out to dinner -

a group of four 25-year-olds,

not the group of 11-14 teenagers

we once were - i looked around the table

and saw us as 16. sure, now we had

college degrees, jobs, boyfriends (and,

for one, a husband), but it was obvious

that we fell right back into place,

in a way that you can only do with

certain people.

none of us live very close to the others,

but we've stayed in each other's lives

for the past five years: meeting for

dinner, going to each other's weddings

and most recently, alexis' baby shower in june.

alexis' daughter, riley was born in august,

and this past weekend

lauren and i finally met her.

i wanted to bring them something

nice, but let's face it,

i am not crafty.

so, i baked.

(but, um, lauren brought an adorable

onsie - why didn't that cross my mind?)

i turned to one of my favorite books

to rely on: alice medrich's pure dessert

(she of the olive oil and sherry pound cakes).

i have many one-day-i-will-make recipes

mentally marked off in that book

and i was glad to finally bake the

brown sugar and pecan shortbread,

made from raw sugars.

even though i love baking,

when it comes to cookies,

i'm a huge fan of the bar variety.

you mix, press, pat and bake -

no dropping spoonfuls of dough

on cookie sheet after cookie sheet,

cooling the pans, rotating and

spending hours at the oven in

11 minute increments.

usually.

these cookies worked out for

me this time, but normally

they might have a step too

many to be considered

a simple bar cookie.

you make the dough,

which couldn't be simpler:

melted butter

rum

vanilla extract

muscovado sugar

flour

pecans

and

salt,

press it into the foil-lined pan

and then wait several hours.

i got this far and then realized

something: i had no desire to

be in my apartment any more.

larry had been away for work

for several days already and

suddenly, everything seemed

very quiet. so instead of

sucking it up and staying,

i piled

everything -

the pan filled with dough,

the cookbook,

extra pecans for pressing,

demerara sugar for sprinkling

two large knives for cutting,

and a tin for giving - into

a bag and headed to my mom's,

an hour away.

i was a sight,

showing up with

my large pocketbook,

camera bag,

overnight bag,

cookie bag

and no coat,

all for one evening.

and after a few tries,

i was able to explain

to my mom that yes,

i brought unbaked dough

to her house and yes, it

was going to sit on her

counter for a few hours

longer before i have to

bake them,

cut them into squares,

place them on a baking sheet

and bake again.

nothing about this recipe

was hard. at all. i even

cut something resembling

squares without

traumatizing myself.

but, this nutty shortbread

is not especially fast.

it is however bursting

with two types of

raw brown sugar,

toasted pecans,

a rich butteryness

and a slight crunch,

thanks to the second

bake in the oven.

and they're more than

worth it for an old friend.

especially one, that you used to

eat lorna doones with at snacktime,

something i remembered

as i pulled them out of the oven.

i loved these cookies because, yes,

they'll crumble in your mouth,

but they survived a rainy trip to

staten island without breaking.

for me, they were the perfect thing

to bring to alexis and her family.

they ate them, one hand on the cookie,

the other on riley,

just as i hoped it would be.

(oh, and while i was busy baking,

my sister was at a wedding. one of

her camp friends was getting married.)

brown sugar and pecan shortbread

adapted from alice medrich's pure dessert

the original recipe was to be baked in a 8" pan, but i used a 9" so i multiplied everything by one-quarter. i have no idea if that's the correct conversion, but it worked well for me. the other change i made was that i only had dark muscovado sugar and the store did not have any, so i used something called golden bakers, which when eaten out of hand reminded me a bit of dried pineapples. once baked in, it just tasted like a lovely, rich brown sugar. oh, and one last thing: this dough looked kind of funky and overly buttery when i first pressed it into the pan, but by the time i baked it, it looked much more normal, like a real dough.

15 tablespoons (1 stick, 7 tablespoons), unsalted butter, melted and still warm

1/2 cup, plus 2 1/2 tablespoons firmly packed light muscovado or golden bakers sugar

1 1/2 tablespoons dark rum

1 1/3ish teaspoons vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 1/2 cups, plus 6 tablespoons all-purpose flour

heaping 2/3 cup pecans, chopped

demerara, turbinado or granulated sugar for sprinkling (i used demera)

line bottom and sides of 9" baking pan with aluminum foil. in bowl, stir together melted butter, sugar, rum, vanilla extract and salt. add the flour and half the pecans; mix just until combined. transfer to prepared pan. pat in evenly. let stand 2 hours or overnight (no need to refrigerate).

position a rack in the lower third of the oven. heat oven to 300˚f.

sprinkle remaining pecans over the dough; gently press into surface. bake 45 minutes. remove pan from oven (leave the oven on). sprinkle the shortbread with demerara sugar. let cool 10 minutes.

using foil, carefully remove cookies from pan and transfer to cutting board, making sure not to break them. using a sharp, thin, long knife, cut into squares (i made 25). place pieces slightly apart on a parchment or silpat-lined baking sheet. bake 15 minutes; let sit on pan 2 minutes.

using spatula, transfer to cooling rack; let cool completely. transfer to an airtight container.

*i'm not going to lie. in that picture of alexis and riley, she is actually opening lauren's gift. not eating a cookie.

sometimes, the kitchen isn't my friend

we recently made plans 

to go to lauren's and jon's 

for dinner.

as soon as it was decided,

i realized that the preceding

days would be spent at

my mom's and i worried

that i wouldn't have time

to bake together a dessert.

so even though i was using

my saturday night to make

this and this,

i still thought it would be

a good idea to throw one

more dish into the mix.

i decided drop or bar

cookies would be best,

and i had been craving lime.

everywhere i looked, there

seemed to be recipes for 

shortbread with lime,

lime sugar cookies,

lime, lime, lime.

i was in. now i just needed

a recipe.

in my continuing effort

to try to use my cookbooks

more often, i pulled a bunch

out until i found 

the recipe that seemed perfect:

lime bars with white chocolate.

it called for a 9 x 9 pan,

but i opted to increase

the proportions and bake in 

a 9 x 13 instead so that i could

bring half to my mom's 

and half to lauren's.

the grocery store - a new one -

was madness and looking

for an escape,

larry and i ducked into

the one aisle that appeared

empty: stone fruit.

i know it's not yet peach season,

but still surprising.

after the crowds passed,

we turned to leave and i noticed

a bag of key limes.

i looked at the teeny limes and

decided to slightly change course.

oh, it was fate and a very bad idea

all rolled into one.

at home, i thought i could brilliantly

balance baking two things, with

two different baking temperatures,

in an alternating pattern. 

i pressed out the crust

for the raspberry tart,

put it in the oven for pre-baking

and then got to work,

processing graham crackers,

zesting the tiny key limes and 

melting butter. 

the tart crust came out of the oven,

i reduced the temperature of the oven,

and as i waited for the signal,

i reread the next step,

very easy.

just mix together the cream cheese,

lime juice, eggs and sugar.

once the crust comes out, pour

the filling inside and return to the oven.

i set the baking pan on the middle rack

of the oven and suddenly - if this

were a movie, the gentle music 

would have immediately slammed

to a screeching halt - 

looked over and 

realized i hadn't juiced the key limes.

yes, the filling is very fast, if

you've already painstakingly squeezed

the juice out of these miniature globes.

after juicing one by hand, on my own.

i screamed for larry, who was happily

watching baseball, blissfully unaware of his

next 10 minutes.

together, i halved the limes, 

pulled the seeds out 

and handed them to him with the instruction,

no juice left behind. 

unfortunately, 15 seconds

in, larry found a cut 

that he didn't know he had. 

we switched places, but still, 

with every lime,

he screamed, 

and i alternated my time between

watching the timer countdown 

and praying

that this one bag of key limes 

was enough to yield 3/4 cup of juice. 

we just made it - we had exactly what

we needed. the timer went off

and as i begged larry to unwrap 

the cream cheese and measure out 

the sugar, i placed the crust on a cooling

rack and cracked the eggs

into a bowl.

i put everything in the mixer, as larry

walked out of the room, no

doubt shaking his head at the

crazy lady in the kitchen.

lastly, i poured in the juice, 

relieved that everything

was in place. 

i relaxed,

turned the mixer on

and screamed (again,

music stopping at a screeching halt).

i'd like to blame it on the frantic

situation, knowing that i had already

messed up by not having

my juice ready, that i had been

crazy for trying to make two 

desserts at once, rationalizing

that they both needed to be

baked twice, that i was already

ready to be out of the kitchen 

and that

if i was being honest,

i had found a cut on my finger, too.

but, really, it's just that i was having

a moment. 

a dumb moment.

because i know better than to just

pour a bunch of liquid into a mixer

and turn it on. 

i know that you

should take a spatula and fold

the contents together a few times

to moisten and incorporate.

but i didn't. and so, a bunch

(how much, i don't know) of that 

precious juice that we

squeezed and squeezed, 

flew back out

of the bowl and 

landed all over the top

half of my body.

we were out of key limes.

i didn't have any regular limes.

i had no choice but to carry on.

i finished mixing, poured the whole

thing into the crust, laughing

that it looked like a child had

put the parchment paper in the pan

in the first place,

placed it in the oven and walked 

into the living room,

still slightly dripping and now,

sticky, with lime juice.

i was done. but i couldn't

be. i still had to cook the rice,

and fill the raspberry tart.

larry followed me back into the 

kitchen, where thankfully,

he cleaned up the mess as i 

started on the rice. when the

lime bars came out of the oven,

larry left, but not before

giving me a weird look,

saying, you need a drink, 

pouring me a beer

and walking out, again.

hours (yes hours)

later, when the grape leaves

and the tart were both 

cooling, i assembled my

mock double boiler,

melted down a little bit

of white chocolate and drizzled

it all over the bars. 

kind of pretty. but i couldn't 

look at them anymore. instead,

i covered the pan, fridged

the whole thing

and decided to not look

at them again until morning.

considering what those bars

had gone through that day,

i think the decision was mutual.

key lime white chocolate bars

adapted from the greyston bakery cookbook's lime bars

these were really delicious, smooth and sweet, with nice hints of tartness (of course, it could have been more). and let me just say, these should not have been hard. this is a simply recipe that i somehow made impossible - so don't be afaid of it. as i said, i multiplied all ingredients by 1 1/2 to make sure it filled out a 9 x 13 pan, so if you only want to make 9 x 9 worth, only use two-thirds. also, because key limes are much tarter, i increased the sugar to compensate. you'll want to chill them for at least 2 hours to make sure they're firm enough to cut, but if you have the time, i recommend keeping them in the fridge overnight.

18 graham crackers (2 1/2 x 5)

1 1/2 cups, plus 2 tablespoons, granulated sugar, divided

2 tablespoons grated key lime zest, divided

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, melted

3 (8 ounced) packages cream cheese, at room temperature

3 egg yolks

3/4 cup freshly squeezed key lime juice (for me, this took 23 key limes, or one bag)

4 ounces white chocolate, finaly chopped

1/2 tablespoon vegetable or corn oil (optional)

make sure your key limes are juiced.

place rack in center of oven. heat oven to 350˚f. grease 9 x 13 baking pan; line it with large piece of parchment paper that extends over the sides. set aside.

in bowl of food processor, pulse graham crackers until fine crumbs form. transfer to a bowl; add 1/2 cup sugar, 1 tablespoon lime zest and salt. mix to combine. pour melted butter over cookie crumb; press mixture into the bottom of the baking pan. bake 10 to 12 minutes, or until the color deepens and the crust becomes fragrant. remove from the oven and place on cooling rack; let cool slightly.

meanwhile, in bowl of your electric mixer, combine cream cheese and remaining 3/4 cup, plus 2 tablespoons, sugar. add egg yolks one at a time, mixing just until blended. add lime juice and remaining 1 tablespoon zest to bowl, using spatula, fold to combine slightly. start mixer on low, increasing speed to medium, and beat just until mixture is completely blended. 

pour cream cheese mixture over warm crust. bake 30 to 35 minutes or until the filling is set and beginning to just slightly color. place on wire rack and let cool completely.

in bowl set over saucepot of simmering water (but not touching), melt white chocolate. if the chocolate doesn't seem fluid enough, add a small amount of oil to thin it out. using fork, drizzle white chocolate over bars. let sit 10 minutes. cover bars and place in fridge. chill 2 hours, or overnight. using sharp knife, cut off edges of bars. cut into squares. chill until ready to serve.