mustard greens caesar with shrimp and anchovy croutons

some dinners take tons of recipe searching,

lots of cookbook reading,

and hours of thinking

just to get the food on the table.

and others?

so easy.

that's how it went

when i saw melissa clark's recipe

for raw mustard greens salad

with gruyere and anchovy croutons.

larry loves mustard greens,

(i'm a fan, too).

i love anything made with anchovy

(he handles them ok).

and, we both love gruyere and garlic.

i almost prepared

the salad as is,

but, last minute

made the decision

to add shrimp for a complete meal.

at home, i broke out a tube

of anchovy paste. you see,

i love anchovies

and i love the flavor

of the fillets, but i have

never been able to get past

the thin-as-can-be bones

that never quite melt with the

rest of the fish.

so, not always,

but often, i use anchovy paste, instead.

i usually use 1 teaspoon in

place of each fillet. this time i added

a bit more to really give this already

assertive salad some extra oomph.

i chopped garlic,

added it to the anchovy paste

and whisked in some olive oil,

which i'll admit i eyeballed.

(it was late.)

to make up for the olive oil

measuring laziness, i took the time

to remove the crusts from a lovely

loaf of bread before cutting into cubes.

(normally, i would convince myself

that the crusts wouldn't make a

difference. but, i guess i was not in

the mood for self-denial.)

i tossed the soon-to-be-croutons

with some of the garlicky anchovy-laced oil,

and half the gruyere that larry had grated while

i cubed the bread,

added a little salt and pepper and tossed

them onto a baking sheet. as they crisped,

i squeezed lemon juice and a little bit

more anchovy into the olive oil mixture,

then whisked in the rest of the gruyere.

i stemmed and tore up

8 cups of mustard greens.

and before we knew it,

the croutons were done,

the shrimp, tossed with the

faintest amount of olive oil,

salt and pepper, had been broiled

and i was mixing everything together

in a bowl.

we ate the first few bites silently,

pretty sure the dish would be

a hit, both quickly falling in love

with the not shy flavors.

and the next night,

even though i don't have

the tiniest clue what we ate for

dinner, i remember that i was

resentful that it wasn't this salad.

mustard greens caesar with shrimp and anchovy croutons

adapted from bon appetit

i think it's fair to say that there are a lot of ingredients that you have to really like to enjoy this salad: sharp and peppery mustard greens, in-your-face garlic, umami-rich anchovy and for our version, nutty aged gruyere. but, if you're not turned off yet, i think you'll love every bite. i will caution you that i used three large garlic cloves and next time, i will probably seek out more normal sized pieces.

2 tablespoons anchovy paste

3 cloves garlic, pressed through a garlic press or finely chopped

approximately 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil, plus 1-2 teaspoons olive oil for shrimp, divided

1/2 loaf country bread, crusts removed and cut into 3/4-inch cubes (3 cups)

4 ounces aged gruyere, grated (1 cup, packed)

1 pound large (20-25 count) shrimp, peeled and deveined

1 bunch (about 12 ounces) mustard greens, center ribs removed and torn into bite-size pieces (8 cups)

1 large juicy lemon, juiced

heat oven to 375˚f. in small bowl, whisk together anchovy paste and garlic; gradually whisk in olive oil. in medium bowl, combine bread cubes, about 2 tablespoons anchovy-garlic oil mixture, 1/2 cup grated gruyere, salt and pepper; toss to coat.

place cubes in single layer on an aluminum foil-lined rimmed baking sheet coated with cooking spray. bake 20 minutes, or until golden brown and crisp, stirring occasionally. set aside.

change oven to broil.

in bowl, combine shrimp, remaining olive oil and salt and pepper. place on aluminum foil-lined rimmed baking sheet coated with cooking spray. broil 2 minutes; flip and cook 1 minute more, or until firm and just opaque.

meanwhile, in large bowl, combine mustard greens, croutons and remaining cheese. whisk 5 tablespoons lemon juice into anchovy-garlic mixture; season with salt, pepper, more lemon juice and more anchovy paste, if desired.

when shrimp are ready, combine greens, shrimp and dressing mixture; tossing to coat. divide among plates.

brownie cupcakes with pink cream cheese frosting

i can't say that we've slowed down

at all in the new year.

in fact, i think we've been even

busier. but, it's all good stuff

and that makes it easier to

get up and go (and go, and go and go).

we brought in the new year

with my family, first at an italian

restaurant that was so unbelievably slow,

we thought we were going to greet midnight

with the waitresses, in spite of an 8:30 reservation.

but, we - us, my sisters and their boyfriends -

got back around 11:35 (i wasn't kidding) and

watched the ball drop together. everyone stayed

and for the first time, all bedrooms were

occupied. that was a such a nice feeling.

since then, i've made a variation of

my black sesame marshmallows

for a party on new year's day, visited

my college roommate who had an

adorable baby girl in october,

met old friends for a meal at one

of my favorite restaurants, hosted

a college friend overnight, rang in

erin's 24th birthday at a mexican

restaurant, attended several birthday

and family parties,

discovered a really great method

for cooking rice, found at least one

way to make larry enjoy chicken livers,

enjoyed an all you can eat mussel night

next to the ocean on an absolutely

frigid work night

and made a bit of headway

with a personal project.

but, really, the biggest news

for the herman family since

i've last posted, was this:

my sister and her boyfriend are

engaged to be married.

we've already had a multi-family

brunch, an impromptu family trip to see

a potential wedding venue, pulled

pages out of magazines of

wedding and bridesmaid dresses,

discussed flowers and shoe colors

and held a mini family engagement

party the night after the proposal

went down.

we played it low-key with prosecco,

two lovely salads,

one with beets, gorgonzola and asparagus

and another with apples, feta and pine nuts,

and sandwiches. and, the one up side

of being completely snowed in and having

to miss work for two full days, was that

i had time to make cupcakes.

several days before the snow,

i searched through recipes

trying to find a cupcake that would work

for both blair (who is a fan of cream cheese

frosting, but would probably

prefer celebratory

hot artichoke dip to dessert)

and jeff (who loves apple pie and brownies,

but otherwise has little interest in sweets).

(i also toyed with the idea of crafting

engagement rings out of fondant to garnish

the top, but i quickly came to my senses.

three days of researching candy engagement

rings, chocolate molds, gum paste and edible

shimmer dust before realizing your own personal

limitations is quickly coming to your senses, right?)

and then, i searched something involving

the words festive and cupcakes, ending up

on a slide show of martha stewart's fancy cupcakes.

i thought i was out of my league and started

quickly clicking through.

but, then i saw the brownie heart cupcakes.

they're made from a ridiculously

indulgent brownie batter - some of which

is poured into muffin tins, while the rest

goes into a baking pan.

when the pan is cool,

you use a cookie cutter to shape

brownie hearts, the cutest edible

garnish for the rich cupcakes.

as for the frosting,

it was a pink-tinged buttercream,

but i already knew that i would replace it

with one made from cream cheese.

(something for blair,

something for jeff.)

i thought i would divide the baking,

frosting making, heart cutting and

decorating between the two nights

after work leading up to the surprise

dinner. (surprise, because she didn't

know she was getting engaged; surprise,

because she certainly didn't know that

we were all in on a next-night celebration.)

but, the snowstorm was way more

difficult to navigate than we could

have anticipated.

on the first day home,

while larry shoveled and shoveled,

i baked the brownies and made the

frosting, shrieking only a little (ok,

a lot) when one little drop of pink

food coloring gel turned the entire

bowl hot pink instead of the pale

shade i was envisioning.

on the second day in,

after realizing that the roads

in monmouth county were only

barely teetering on open,

i cut out the hearts, frosted

the cupcakes, carefully garnished each

and said a quick prayer that they

wouldn't dry out overnight.

they didn't.

the next night at my mom's - after i made it to

work and back in spite of two slightly

scary drives on the parkway -

they were still pretty and charming.

the frosting kept its swoop

in spite of the brownie hearts doing

their best to weigh the swirls down.

the cupcakes were rich and moist,

the frosting not too sweet.

one person actually called them

the best cupcakes, ever.

(he was already there, but

i think he earned himself a

permanent spot on my favorites list.)

so yes, they were good.

maybe even great.

but, more importantly,

they were celebratory

and exactly what i was hoping for

when i set out to find a recipe

that was worthy of toasting the future.

brownie cupcakes with pink cream cheese frosting

adapted from martha stewart living

i followed the cupcake recipe exactly, but as i already mentioned, opted to use my cream cheese frosting. wanting to make sure there was enough to dress up every cake, i doubled the latter recipe. and, it's true, i am pretty anti-food coloring. but, i'm the only one who cares, i think, and i just didn't think it was worth it or necessary to roast a beet and use it's juices - so this time, i used gel food coloring. i survived, and i was right: no one else cared. the original recipe called for an 8-inch square pan and 1 1/2-inch heart-shaped cookie cutter - mine was about that, i think, cut from a 9-inch square pan, and it was fine.

and the last thing - i committed to making the recipe without truly reading the recipe. it wasn't until i was in the grocery store that i realized how indulgent these truly are. but, i was not looking for something else and rationalized: it makes 24 cupcakes, plus an additional pan of brownies and a ton of frosting - totally worth it for a once in a lifetime celebration.

3 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon coarse salt

3 3/4 sticks unsalted butter, cut into pieces

3 bars (4 ounces each) unsweetened chocolate, like Ghirardelli, coarsely chopped

3 cups sugar

6 large eggs, at room temperature

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

heat oven to 350˚f. line standard muffin tin with paper liners.

coat 8 or 9-inch square metal pan with cooking spray; line with parchment paper and spray parchment paper.

in large mixing bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder and salt; set aside.

bring small saucepot with 1-inch water to a simmer. in heatproof electric mixer bowl, combine butter and chocolate. place bowl over simmering water; stir until chocolate and butter melt together.

transfer bowl to electric mixer; add sugar. beat on medium-high 3 minutes, or until smooth. beat in eggs, 1 at a time, beating briefly after each addition. add vanilla. turn off mixer. in 2 parts, add flour mixture, folding in with a spatula and then beating on low until just combined after each addition.

fill muffin cups 2/3 full. spread remaining batter in square pan. bake 20 minutes, or until set, but still soft. (my cupcakes took 17 minutes; the pan took 20.) cool in pans on wire racks.

fill piping bag fitted with wide plain tip with frosting. pipe frosting over cupcakes. alternatively, spread frosting over cupcakes. using 1 1/2-inch heart cookie cutter, cut hearts from brownie pan.* top each cupcake with one heart.

*(i stored the remaining brownies from the pan in the freezer for cake crumbs, brownie sundaes or a personal emergency.)

pink cream cheese frosting

2 sticks (1 cup butter), at room temperature

2 packages (8 ounces each) cream cheese, at room temperature

3 1/2 - 5 cups confectioners' sugar, sifted

in bowl of electric mixer on medium speed, beat cream cheese and butter 3 minutes, or until fluffy and completely combined (make sure to scrape bottom of bowl with spatula to ensure that all the butter and cream cheese have been incorporated with each other). add confectioners' sugar, 1 cup at a time, folding to combine, then beating after each addition to make a good spreading consistency. add 1-2 drops pink gel food coloring and beat to combine. chill at least 30 minutes before frosting cupcakes.

resolution

i feel guilty.

all the time.

i feel guilty with my

family because i'm not

always available enough/

awake enough/

care-free enough

to be with them

at the drop of a hat.

i feel guilty at work

because i worry that i'm

not the fill-in-the-blank i could

be - because i'm not

tough enough, smart enough,

something enough.

i feel guilty with my friends because

i wish i was better at e-mailing back, texting

back, making regular plans with them, even

though i think about the people who are

important to me all the time and wish that

i was able to show it more with my actions.

and, i feel guilty about this blog.

i started it because i wanted - needed -

a place to be myself, through my

writing, my food and over time,

my pictures. and, it's true,

i did that for a while. but,

blogging, or more specifically,

building a community is not automatic

and i am guilty of growing

discouraged. and then, i moved, which

i've talked about quite a bit before.

i thought i could handle keeping both

going. i thought that even though i moved

an hour and a half away from my job,

and was waking up 2 1/2 hours earlier

than i used to, i would leave work earlier

i'd get home earlier.

but, that doesn't happen.

these past three months are unbelievably

hard to explain - with the exception of a mini

vacation, thanksgiving dinner and, later, a night

celebrating chanukah, i feel as if my life has been,

sleeping and working, with a tiny bit of cooking

and a few hours of glee and modern family

thrown in (we even gave up amazing race this year

for lack of time - if you know us, that's huge).

sometime in there, i realized

i hadn't been logging onto twitter and

that i had stopped reading the blogs

of the people i loved to read.

i have pictures on my camera

from thanksgiving that i haven't yet

downloaded - but will for this post.

i have been kind of striving for

getting by.

and i feel guilty all the time -

that i shouldn't have started this

blog, that i shouldn't try to keep

up the blog anymore,

that maybe i don't have

the level of commitment in me

that a good blog needs.

i worry that at this point,

when i write something, it's been

way too long and no one will care

to or remember, to check.

but, then, things happen.

two blogs that i read, recently

posted their first entry in months.

and, i realized - i don't think anything

less of them for their absence. i was

just excited to see what they wrote.

and, today, when needing a

cupcake recipe, i was so happy to

be able to refer to

my blog,

my diary (albeit a public one),

to find the one i was looking for.

so, it will be hard, but here's

my new year's promise to myself:

no guilt...um, maybe less guilt.

and, to try to love this blog

for what it is: mine,

and hopefully yours a bit, too.

and in that spirit,

i am also going to make an effort

to try to post more often,

but in whatever way works

in the moment - small entries,

story-filled, or like this one,

a compilation of what's been

happening in my life.

--

my mom, sisters and i took a trip to disney world to celebrate my mother's 60th birthday. it was an all-girl trip: two double beds, two sinks that were crowded with makeup and hair dryers and what seemed like 50 different chargers for 50 different electronic things. we played the trip like adults - enjoying a delicious african restaurant one night, very good desserts after a somewhat rough meal on the last night, avoiding characters (for the most part) and using the last day to visit the food and wine festival at epcot.

a couple weeks later, on thanksgiving - i insisted on making two dishes. my family tried to dissuade me - i had worked a significant amount leading up to the holiday, but i hated the idea of showing up with a bottle of wine or store-bought pie. so, i hunkered down on thanksgiving morning with a significant cup of coffee and started chopping six pounds of kale and peeling and slicing pears.

this cooking experience was not without its faults: i accidentally spilled a healthy splash of milk into the onions that i was sweating, the kale almost boiled over about 5 times, the greens were too salty forcing me to rinse them and just when i thought i couldn't mess up anything else, caramel spilled onto the floor, the counter, my socks and the computer cord when i tried to flip the upside down cake. but, it was all delicious (ok, maybe the cake was slightly undercooked) and company was perfect as always.

recipes:

creamed kale with caramelized pearl onions from bobby flay (i doubled this recipe and used significantly less butter when caramelizing the onions): this was a huge hit, but if you reheat, i caution you to do what i didn't do: heat separately on the stovetop and then add the onions just before serving.

pear and cardamom upside down cake from the wednesday chef: i loved the flavor of this cake, but it's true that it didn't bake all the way through, even though the top was golden and it seemed solid. i'm choosing to blame the cake strips that i used to prevent a domed top. think what you will.

thanks to our collective busy schedules, we celebrated chanukah several days after the holiday ended. i decided that i wanted to make the mushroom and pecan pate that i had spotted a month earlier. i was very nervous that my family wouldn't go for a pate, so i made the only decision that made any sense: i made a chicken pate, too. i needn't have worried. they were lovely and a huge hit.

recipes:

tuscan chicken liver pate from food52: delicious and slightly unusual combination of flavors. next time, i would probably eliminate or significantly reduce the cheese, which i felt overwhelmed the the other flavors. i also would process the mixture for shorter amount of time - i think it was just a bit gummy.

porcini and pecan pate from food & wine magazine: this one is a great vegetarian alternative, but slightly flat for my taste. i ended up adding in a bit of olive oil, a little cayenne and extra lemon juice. next time, i think i would caramelize onions and toss them into the food processor before pureeing. i think this was the favorite.

so that was my november and december.

i would like to believe

that i will post again

before the end of the year,

but let's be realistic.

it was only this crazy snowstorm

that gave me the excuse to spend

time writing,

on my couch,

in my pajamas,

with finally, no where

to go, or really no way

to get there.

so, with that, i want

to say, happy new year.

here's to hoping for more

time together in 2011.