how it comes to be

i tend to really think through

my dishes before making 

them. i may, for some reason

that i can't understand or explain,

decide to make a meal

wednesday, and then spend

sunday, monday and tuesday

thinking through the dish,

obsessively, trying

to really flesh out the 

best ingredients, best strategy,

best of everything, 

all the while, making

my way through the meals

the other three nights.

sometimes, the imaginary meal

stays in my head for weeks

before i finally make it into 

something real.

sometimes, the result is really

good like tofu parm

or this tuna sandwich.

other times, like the "hummus"

burgers that were a bust

and the cucumbers pickled

in apple cider vinegar

that i will never tell you about,

i really should have kept 

my creativity to myself.

but nevertheless, i plan it 

out and have a clear plan,

that interestingly enough,

i never mention to anyone.

i may, after all this thinking,

plan for heirloom tomatoes,

and then see grape tomatoes

and suddenly think, oh, that's better.

and i feel ok about it because

no one knows that wasn't THE plan.

or i may decide that i must have

tubes of squid for my made up meal, 

and then (like tonight),

be left completely confused and lost

in the middle of the store

when i realize they don't have 

any and i didn't have a backup plan.

in which case, i stop in my tracks,

turn to larry and 

demand that he tell me what he 

wants because i'm

uninspired. 

can't think anymore.

have the makings of too many meals in cart,

but no plan.

am not moving until i have a new meal to make.

too dramatic?

and that's the deal with this

blueberry salad.

i've been enamoured for years

by the watermelon and feta salads

that seem to pop up everywhere, 

may to june. i offered to make

one for memorial day a couple of 

weeks ago, but i was...turned down.

after that, i started thinking about what

other fruits would taste even

better next to salty feta,

and then, when i saw blueberries 

on sale,

the salad was born.

i spent a few days imagining

the salad, thinking that one

thing that the watermelon version

has going for it is that the melon

is a completely different texture,

while the soft berries wouldn't really

offer much resistance. 

i decided to add a toasted nut -

sweet pecans just sounded right.

to round out the mixture, i thought 

a small kick would

make the whole bowl come together.

and so, scallions were added.

as i sliced the scallions and carefully

cubed the feta, 

i had a feeling that this would

either be a huge hit

or a major disaster.

carrying on, i whisked together

a dressing, realizing i never actually

thought of the vinaigrette, and 

winging it from beginning

to end, kind of guessing that the

mixture should

be tangy, with a sweetness to round

the whole thing out.

i was really fortunate that the blueberries

were huge, unbelievably

sweet and boasting just the right

amount of tenderness. 

i stabbed one with a fork,

adding a piece of scallion,

a toasted pecan and 

a cube of cheese and lightly

dipped it into the dressing.

a test, i figured,

before i stirred them all together 

and potentially ruined a bunch

of perfectly good ingredients.

hmm...i could get used to this.

worrying about feta that

could disintegrate under the dressing

and too much stirring,

i opted to mix together the other

three ingredients first, then add the

dressing. once i was sure that the salad

was well combined, i

held my breath and carefully

folded in the cheese.

the salad sat for about 20 minutes

until the rest of the meal was finished,

which i think was the perfect amount

of time to let the flavors meld

and

the ingredients blend into a cohesive

side dish,

without the pecans softening, 

the scallions wilting or the cheese

breaking apart.

sweet and fruity, salty and creamy,

slightly sharp and fragrantly nutty,

the salad was just what i was 

after when setting out to make this 

dish, playing it over in my mind,

trying to decided if the feta should

be crumbled, sliced or cubed 

and wondering if i should add a 

shallots or lemon juice. 

in the end, and i don't often say this,

usually my harshest critic,

i think i got it right.

i don't think lemon was necessary.

i think the scallions were enough

and shallots, too, would have 

been too harsh.

and i think structured square 

pieces of white feta were ideal

next to the round colorful berries.

it was a relief.

feta and blueberry salad

to make this mixture into a heartier side dish or main course, i could absolutely see tossing the entire thing with salad greens (and dare i say, chicken?) or folding it into couscous or a cooked grain. as i've said, the dressing was a guessing game, so i'll tell you ahead of time, you may want to go up and down with the vinegar or the honey. and as usual, i went light on the olive oil. feel free to play with that, too. i used white balsamic vinegar so that the feta would not be stained, but i'm sure it would be just as good with regular balsamic.

3-4 tablespoons white balsamic vinegar

1-2 teaspoons honey

kosher salt

cracked black pepper

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 block (6 ounces) feta cheese

2 scallions, green and white parts sliced

1/3 cup broke up pecans pieces, toasted

1 pint big, sweet blueberries

in small bowl, whisk together vinegar, honey and salt and pepper to taste. whisking constantly, slowly drizzle in olive oil. taste and adjust seasonings. set aside.

cube feta: using sharp knife, cut feta into slices about 1/2-inch thick, keeping them lined up. rotate entire block and cut slices into sticks, about 1-2 long. cut sticks into 1/2" cubes. set aside.

in bowl, combine scallions, pecans and blueberries; drizzle in dressing and toss to combine. carefully fold feta into mixture just until combined. let sit about 20 minutes before serving.

sweet, spicy, crunchy and creamy

the other night,

i made a really,

surprisingly

delicious

dinner -

hot and tender

brown rice,

chickpea chili

in a roasted

sweet potato

and a crunchy,

sweet and spicy

side.

it was a meal that

i thought would be

a throwaway -

one to satisfy the

ever pressing need

to put dinner on the table.

and truth be told,

i cooked up the pot

of brown rice in

case everything else was inedible.

but the garnet yams

that we roasted and

split open were unbelievably

delectable,

and the jalapeno-spiked,

tomato simmered

chickpeas were quite luscious,

especially when topped

with a dollop of

yogurt, a squeeze of lime

and chopped scallions.

i was thankful that

the dinner

was successful,

especially because the entire

plate was crafted

around one ingredient.

i couldn't help it.

as i picked up the

nopales cactus paddles

in the store,

i knew that on some

level, i would regret the

purchase.

not because they're

a lot of work

to prepare,

or because i didn't know

what to expect

from their flavor or texture,

but because i was

committing to something

on a day

that i am not always willing

to commit.

i find it really easy on a

sunday to pick meals for

the week and to stick

to them,

but choosing a meal on

friday for sunday?

that's hard.

you may think that you'll

be in the mood for a

long slow-cook meal,

only to wake up and realize

the sun is shining and

the kitchen is the

last place you want to be.

or you can plan for stir fry

and suddenly find yourself

bored as can be at 3 in the

afternoon, wishing

for a project.

so when i picked up

the paddles, i was worried

that i was stepping into a

trap - a tex-mex trap.

lo and behold,

sunday came and i

just wasn't feeling

them.

but, no turning back.

after complaining and

stalling by making cookies,

i decided they would

be best in alongside

a main meal,

cool and crunchy.

i knew i wanted

avocado

and oranges,

and jicama,

popped into my head, too.

and, i found a recipe

for a nopales, jicama and orange salad

in barbara pool fenzl's beautiful

seasonal southwest cooking.

it's like we shared a brain.

her salad was actually served

atop greens and used canned

cactus paddle,

and no avocado, red onions

or jalapeno were in sight,

but it was close enough

for inspiration.

fresh cactus paddles

need to be dethorned,

by using either a vegetable

peeler or sharp knife,

then sliced and double-

blanched to reduce

the somewhat slime-like

interior and tenderize

them.

yum, right?

once you've done

this, their flavor is

similar to a

tart green bean.

but better.

i think this salad

is worth all its

ingredients, but i also

think it's fair to say

that if you can't

find nopales,

fresh or canned,

and don't want to

use blanched green

beans, the other

components

can stand on their own.

and if you've never tried

jicama, run to the store

for the brown bulb.

its very crisp, almost

like a savory apple.

in all of my time introducing

people to jicama, i've only met

one person who didn't like

the slices

(you know who you are).

they are a great foil

to the juicy sweet oranges

and creamy avocado -

all three of them

benefit from the cayenne

in the dressing.

fenzl says the mixture should

be made just before serving,

and i certainly strengthened

that suggestion by adding

quick-to-brown avocados,

but our next day leftovers

may have been even better.

in the end, i was glad

that i got up on my feet,

found the sweet potato

recipe to round out the meal

and got to work with the

vegetable peeler.

not so bad for a

very pretty sunday

outside.

jicama salad with cactus paddle, orange and avocado

adapted from barbara pool fenzl's seasonal southwest cooking

this crunchy mixture was great with the soft sweet potato and chickpeas, but i think it would also be welcome next to a steak, over greens with shrimp as a light main meal or alongside fish. you can change the proportions according to what you like best. also, maybe i'm a glutton for punishment, but i always like to taste my jalapeno before i add the tiny specks to a dish. the one i used here was potent, so i seeded it and only used half. if it had been less in-your-face, i would have used a whole one and maybe kept the seeds. and the original recipe called for 1/4 cup olive oil - i tend to feel that a lot of oil over mellows other flavors in dressing, so i only used one tablespoon. if you don't want it to be so bright, feel free to increase the oil.

2 tbs. fresh orange juice

1 tbs. red wine vinegar

1 Tbs. honey

1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper

1/4 tsp. salt

5 grinds fresh black pepper

1 tbs. olive oil

2 cactus paddles

2 medium oranges

1 medium jicama, peeled, halved and cut into 1/2-inch sticks

1 avocado, pitted, peeled and diced

1/2 small red onion, diced

1/2 - 1 whole jalapeno, finely chopped

in bowl, whisk together first six ingredients; slowly whisk in olive oil. set aside.

using vegetable peeler or sharp knife, carefully remove prickly parts from paddles. halve paddles; cut each piece into 2-inch long strips. cook paddles in saucepot of salted boiling water 2 minutes; drain and run under cold running water until cool. repeat boiling water and rinsing process one more time. set aside.

using sharp knife, cut ends from oranges. stand oranges flat on cutting board and using your knife, peel skin and white pith from oranges, following the curve of the fruit. using sharp knife, cut supremes by removing edible fruit in wedges and the leaving membrane behind. discard membrane.

in bowl, combine cactus paddle, oranges, jicama, avocado, red onion and jalapeno. drizzle with a small amount of dressing, toss to coat. add more dressing, if necessary. serve remaining dressing on the side or

save for another use.