hopefully, a salad worth waiting for

i really debated not posting this recipe.

one of the main ingredients isn't even in season anymore,

for goodness' sake.

but, i really have been working on this post for months -

writing here and there,

editing the pictures,

occasionally adding one here -

and i decided that the only way that i can move on

and start posting, is if i get this mountain of a post

out of the way. so, i'm going for it.

***

over the summer,

i was on a work trip and i was

asked if larry and i go out

to dinner.

my answer: yes, more than we

probably should, actually.

the response: based on your blog,

it doesn't seem like you do. i feel like

restaurants are a really good place

for inspiration.

i've been thinking about that a lot.

we do go out to eat - at least once a

week, on most saturdays.

but, we often go out for sushi,

or for food that i'm not so quick

to create at home. or, when

larry really just wants a steak.

that's not to say

that we don't sometimes go out

for dinner,

just because i'm craving something

or i've heard about a new restaurant,

or we're bored of all the other

places we regularly visit.

and, for all three reasons,

that's how we ended up

at porta, in asbury park,

in november.

porta is a newish restaurant,

factory and loft-like,

loud and packed,

drafty and somewhat threadbare

with picnic style seating and

wine served in juice glasses.

and, somehow, it's just right.

through first unfortunate,

and then, fortunate circumstances,

we nabbed a table within three minutes

of walking in, in spite of a 45 minute wait.

we were asked if we preferred to sit

next to each other, or across,

and even though the couple nearest

us had chosen the very close together option,

we decided to face each other.

i ordered a glass of red,

larry, surprised by the selection, and excited,

ordered a dale's pale ale.

in. the. can.

pizza, we knew, was dinner.

that is dinner at porta.

i ordered one with arugula and truffle oil.

larry's decision was made easy when he read

about the carbonara, whose star was the

egg baked into the cheese on top.

for an appetizer,

we debated between a few,

but i pushed hard for the

cavolo nero:

kale salad

with shaved watermelon radishes

and roasted sunchokes.

when it came out,

i was initially disappointed.

the plate was large - huge, i

might argue - but the salad seemed

small tossed into a messy

pile, somewhat off center on the dish,

somewhat, uncared for.

i divvied up most of it between two plates.

and, then, i took a bite.

this salad was fantastic.

the kale, not at all tender,

was full of character. the sunchokes

were golden, the radishes a slightly bitter

foil. the strips of toasted bread

seemed so much more than croutons,

garlicky and spicy. the teeny, tiny cubes

of pecorino were firm and salty,

and worth fishing off the bottom of the plate.

but the thing that i loved about this

salad, the thing that made me wish i had

ordered my own and the thing that

made me decide that i absolutely

had to make this at home,

was the bright lemony dressing,

way more acidic than i would have

ever had the nerve to serve.

i was sad when it was over.

my pizza - it was good.

the wine - i enjoyed.

but that salad.

it was an appetizer to

put all other appetizers to shame.

that tuesday,

i looked online and found

this recipe from

101 cookbooks.

it seemed so similar that i wondered

if porta had used it as a jumping off point

when creating theirs. heidi used breadcrumbs

instead of croutons, and her pecorino

was grated into shavings. but it seemed

like a good place to start.

once made,

it was pretty clear that,

save for adjusting for personal taste,

this was the only recipe i needed.

i had toasted croutons,

and cubed the pecorino into

teeny tiny pieces, just like we

ate at porta. when we sat down

to eat the salad, i was thrilled

with the results.

tart,

garlicky,

acidic,

slightly spicy

and a mouthful to eat.

this is food that you are forced

to chew, forced to experience

and, if you're larry, forced to embrace

several more times.

lemony kale salad with pecorino

adapted from 101 cookbooks

i've made this salad several time since, adding roasted mushrooms, roasted halved shallots, roasted tomatoes, and most often, roasted delicata squash that has been seasoned with cayenne. i wish the salad in this picture featured any of the other options, because it's true: i took these pictures so long ago and started this blog post so long ago (i'm pretty sure i made this particular salad the same day i made cashew brittle for holiday gifts), that one of the main ingredients is no longer in season. don't fret - just add your favorite veggie to roast.

on the pecorino: i'm torn. the first few times i made this salad, i cut the pecorino into the teeniest tiniest bites. each time, they fell to the bottom of the salad, along with tiny pieces of garlic. each time i stabbed one with my fork, it was a gamble - would i end up with a mouthful of salty wonderfulness or a mouthful of garlic? so, this time, i made it with larger cubes and it was delicious, but much more salty. since making this salad, several kale salads have been posted online here and here. both involve grating the cheese. maybe an option?

last thing: leftovers are really, really good. maybe even better than the first time.

1 medium delicata squash, halved lengthwise, seeded and sliced

4-5 ounces bread (my favorites for this: sourdough and multigrain), cubed into 1/2-inch dice

1/4 cup olive oil, divided

4 large cloves garlic, peeled, finely chopped and divided

1 teaspoon kosher salt, plus more for seasoning

pinch or two cayenne pepper, if desired

1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes, divided (or more to taste)

salt and pepper

1 large juicy lemon, juiced (you want at least 3 tablespoons)

2-3 ounces pecorino romano, cut into small dice

1 large bunch tuscan kale, stemmed and torn into 1-inch pieces

heat oven to 375˚f. in bowl, combine squash, 1 tablespoon olive oil, cayenne pepper, kosher salt and black pepper, if desired. place squash in single layer on aluminum foil-lined baking sheet. bake 12 minutes; flip. bake 8-12 minutes more, or until tender and slightly golden. set squash aside.

meanwhile, prepare croutons: in same bowl that you used for the squash, combine bread cubes, 1 tablespoon olive oil, 1 clove chopped garlic and a couple pinches red pepper flakes; season with kosher salt and black pepper, if desired. when the squash comes out of the oven, arrange croutons on baking sheet in single layer. bake 6-7 minutes, or until golden. flip and bake 5-7 minutes more, or until golden brown and crunchy throughout (if the croutons are not completely crunchy and you have leftovers, they will be soggy the next day. believe me: it's a bummer.)

meanwhile, place remaining garlic on cutting board. sprinkle with salt. let sit 5 minutes. cut and mash with sharp knife to form a chunky paste. transfer to a small bowl; add lemon juice and a remaining red pepper flakes. drizzle in olive oil, whisking constantly. add pecorino to dressing.

place kale in bowl (i use the same one that i used for the squash and croutons). top with squash and croutons (if you're going to save some of the salad for the next day, save some of the croutons, too). top with dressing and toss; let sit at least 10 minutes before serving.

resolution

i feel guilty.

all the time.

i feel guilty with my

family because i'm not

always available enough/

awake enough/

care-free enough

to be with them

at the drop of a hat.

i feel guilty at work

because i worry that i'm

not the fill-in-the-blank i could

be - because i'm not

tough enough, smart enough,

something enough.

i feel guilty with my friends because

i wish i was better at e-mailing back, texting

back, making regular plans with them, even

though i think about the people who are

important to me all the time and wish that

i was able to show it more with my actions.

and, i feel guilty about this blog.

i started it because i wanted - needed -

a place to be myself, through my

writing, my food and over time,

my pictures. and, it's true,

i did that for a while. but,

blogging, or more specifically,

building a community is not automatic

and i am guilty of growing

discouraged. and then, i moved, which

i've talked about quite a bit before.

i thought i could handle keeping both

going. i thought that even though i moved

an hour and a half away from my job,

and was waking up 2 1/2 hours earlier

than i used to, i would leave work earlier

i'd get home earlier.

but, that doesn't happen.

these past three months are unbelievably

hard to explain - with the exception of a mini

vacation, thanksgiving dinner and, later, a night

celebrating chanukah, i feel as if my life has been,

sleeping and working, with a tiny bit of cooking

and a few hours of glee and modern family

thrown in (we even gave up amazing race this year

for lack of time - if you know us, that's huge).

sometime in there, i realized

i hadn't been logging onto twitter and

that i had stopped reading the blogs

of the people i loved to read.

i have pictures on my camera

from thanksgiving that i haven't yet

downloaded - but will for this post.

i have been kind of striving for

getting by.

and i feel guilty all the time -

that i shouldn't have started this

blog, that i shouldn't try to keep

up the blog anymore,

that maybe i don't have

the level of commitment in me

that a good blog needs.

i worry that at this point,

when i write something, it's been

way too long and no one will care

to or remember, to check.

but, then, things happen.

two blogs that i read, recently

posted their first entry in months.

and, i realized - i don't think anything

less of them for their absence. i was

just excited to see what they wrote.

and, today, when needing a

cupcake recipe, i was so happy to

be able to refer to

my blog,

my diary (albeit a public one),

to find the one i was looking for.

so, it will be hard, but here's

my new year's promise to myself:

no guilt...um, maybe less guilt.

and, to try to love this blog

for what it is: mine,

and hopefully yours a bit, too.

and in that spirit,

i am also going to make an effort

to try to post more often,

but in whatever way works

in the moment - small entries,

story-filled, or like this one,

a compilation of what's been

happening in my life.

--

my mom, sisters and i took a trip to disney world to celebrate my mother's 60th birthday. it was an all-girl trip: two double beds, two sinks that were crowded with makeup and hair dryers and what seemed like 50 different chargers for 50 different electronic things. we played the trip like adults - enjoying a delicious african restaurant one night, very good desserts after a somewhat rough meal on the last night, avoiding characters (for the most part) and using the last day to visit the food and wine festival at epcot.

a couple weeks later, on thanksgiving - i insisted on making two dishes. my family tried to dissuade me - i had worked a significant amount leading up to the holiday, but i hated the idea of showing up with a bottle of wine or store-bought pie. so, i hunkered down on thanksgiving morning with a significant cup of coffee and started chopping six pounds of kale and peeling and slicing pears.

this cooking experience was not without its faults: i accidentally spilled a healthy splash of milk into the onions that i was sweating, the kale almost boiled over about 5 times, the greens were too salty forcing me to rinse them and just when i thought i couldn't mess up anything else, caramel spilled onto the floor, the counter, my socks and the computer cord when i tried to flip the upside down cake. but, it was all delicious (ok, maybe the cake was slightly undercooked) and company was perfect as always.

recipes:

creamed kale with caramelized pearl onions from bobby flay (i doubled this recipe and used significantly less butter when caramelizing the onions): this was a huge hit, but if you reheat, i caution you to do what i didn't do: heat separately on the stovetop and then add the onions just before serving.

pear and cardamom upside down cake from the wednesday chef: i loved the flavor of this cake, but it's true that it didn't bake all the way through, even though the top was golden and it seemed solid. i'm choosing to blame the cake strips that i used to prevent a domed top. think what you will.

thanks to our collective busy schedules, we celebrated chanukah several days after the holiday ended. i decided that i wanted to make the mushroom and pecan pate that i had spotted a month earlier. i was very nervous that my family wouldn't go for a pate, so i made the only decision that made any sense: i made a chicken pate, too. i needn't have worried. they were lovely and a huge hit.

recipes:

tuscan chicken liver pate from food52: delicious and slightly unusual combination of flavors. next time, i would probably eliminate or significantly reduce the cheese, which i felt overwhelmed the the other flavors. i also would process the mixture for shorter amount of time - i think it was just a bit gummy.

porcini and pecan pate from food & wine magazine: this one is a great vegetarian alternative, but slightly flat for my taste. i ended up adding in a bit of olive oil, a little cayenne and extra lemon juice. next time, i think i would caramelize onions and toss them into the food processor before pureeing. i think this was the favorite.

so that was my november and december.

i would like to believe

that i will post again

before the end of the year,

but let's be realistic.

it was only this crazy snowstorm

that gave me the excuse to spend

time writing,

on my couch,

in my pajamas,

with finally, no where

to go, or really no way

to get there.

so, with that, i want

to say, happy new year.

here's to hoping for more

time together in 2011.

kale and pumpkin seed risotto

when we first decided to buy

this house, one of the things i

was most excited about was

the kitchen. yes, it was

painted four colors, each one

worse than the last. no,

it was not as large as i would

have liked. and, no, it did

not come stocked with

designer up-to-date appliances.

but, the wooden cabinets were high,

the counter space was plentiful

and it was hard not to notice the

three huge windows.

our old apartment boasted one tiny

brick-facing piece of glass

on the complete opposite

side of the kitchen workspace.

my first thought?

finally, i can get some good pictures.

but, people.

this kitchen is full of deception.

how did we not realize that there

is only one very dim, very yellow

light in the entire room?

the windows offer little help.

it's hard enough to

see the food when we cook.

taking pictures? well, unless

i decide to quit my job and

cook every meal in the middle

of the day, they're kind of a joke.

i find myself rushing home,

trying to catch the last moments

of sunlight and learning that even

when there's dimming daylight

outside, it's still too dark.

this kale?

i took at least 30 pictures in

six different places in the kitchen.

this, standing directly in front of the window,

is the best of the bunch,

(see my neighbor's pathway

blurry in the background?).

i hoped that maybe my eyes

were playing tricks on me.

that maybe, when they were on

off the camera and blown up on

the computer screen i would realize

that it wasn't so bad. but, i've

come to terms with the fact that

clearly, we have a situation here.

i'm going to do the best i can

going forward into the colder

and darker months. i'm going

to research new lenses and

find a reliable electrician to

install usable lights into

our ceiling and invest in different

window treatments for our windows.

and, i'm going to make us

more of this risotto. because even

if the few pictures might not be so

pretty, this is the kind of meal

you want to have in your cooking

arsenal on chilly, dark, winter nights.

i think risotto has a bad reputation.

when i told my grandmother that

i was making it for dinner, she was

shocked that i would attempt such a

laborious dish on a work night. but,

in case you haven't made risotto yourself,

here's the deal: the total time is short.

it's the hands-on time that risks becoming

a turn off. because really, all you have to

do is heat up some broth, saute onions,

pop open a bottle of wine and commit

to stirring for about 20-25 minutes.

i usually convince larry to hang out with

me during the stirring, but i've also

found that itunes, a phone call or

my own thoughts

are enough to distract me from

the potentially monotonous activity.

the method for this risotto echos

the most classic recipes. but, it

was the two title ingredients that

intrigued me enough to give it a go.

we, like many people i know, have

become big kale eaters over the past

year and i've discovered that even

though i had previously

avoided the leaves for

fear of overtly bitter notes, we are never

fighting through eating the greens.

i loved the idea of stirring tender,

but still hearty, strands

into the al dente grains.

i also liked that by first boiling the leaves

in chicken broth, their flavor

infuses the rice's cooking liquid.

the toasted pumpkin seeds were

the second reason that i wanted into

this dish. risotto is lovely - creamy,

indulgent and full of comfort. but,

like a plain bowl of vanilla ice cream (also,

creamy, indulgent and full of comfort),

i get bored with an entire serving of one

texture. crisp lightly salted pumpkin seeds

were the perfect foil.

on this night,

i wanted the pepitas seeds

out of the way.

i started by toasting them

until they were puffy and golden,

then drizzled with oil and a touch

of kosher salt, per the recipe,

before adding a couple dashes of

cayenne, to add a touch of spice to

the finished dish.

next, while the onions sauteed,

i simmered the chopped kale in

a mixture of chicken broth and water

(next time i would use all chicken broth),

before draining the greens and setting

them aside. from there on, it was

business as usual,

adding a bit of chopped garlic,

then the rice to the onions.

deglazing with white wine

and then adding the broth,

by the ladleful, all the while,

stirring the mixture.

when creamy,

i mixed in a pat of butter,

a healthy handful of grated pecorino romano,

the kale and generous squeezes

of lemon juice that i was pretty sure

the mixture would need. i tasted it

and wished that i had replaced part

of the grated cheese with goat cheese.

i think the tang would have put the whole

dish over the top. but still, i was happy.

i violated every photography rule out

there and placed the plates of

pumpkin seed-sprinkled risotto

directly under that one dim light in the

kitchen and hoped for the best.

then, i let go.

it is, after all, risotto.

it waits for no one.

especially not,

a poorly lit kitchen and

an amateur photographer.

kale and pumpkin seed risotto

adapted from gourmet magazine

if you've never made risotto before, this one does have a couple extra steps, but nothing that you can't handle. i will say, though that this is a perfect recipe to practice your mise en place.

i made several changes: i used a greater ratio of chicken broth to water than called for - as i said above, next time i would use all chicken broth. i chopped the kale before cooking, instead of cooking, straining and cutting as it instructs in the recipe. i used an entire white onion instead of measuring, switched in pecorino romano for the parmigiano-regianno, squeezed in lemon juice and added cayenne pepper to the pumpkin seeds to give the dish a slightly spicy edge. i'm writing it below as i made it, but i do think that next time i would increase the garlic, add more lemon and if i was feeling completely indulgent, stir in some of that goat cheese.

spicy pumpkin seeds

1 cup hulled raw pumpkin seeds

1 teaspoon olive oil

kosher salt

cayenne pepper

in dry heavy skillet over medium heat, cook pumpkin seeds 5 minutes, or until puffed and golden. remove from heat; stir in olive oil. season with salt and cayenne to taste. set aside.

5 cups low-sodium or homemade chicken broth

3 cups water

1 teaspoon kosher salt

3/4 pound lacinato kale

1 white onion, peeled and finely chopped

2 tablespoons unsalted butter, cubed and divided

3 cloves garlic, peeled and finely chopped

1 1/2 cups arborio or carnaroli rice (10 ounces)

1/3 cup white wine

1 juicy lemon, juiced

1/2 cup grated pecorino romano

in saucepot, bring broth and water to a boil; add 3/4 teaspoon kosher salt.

meanwhile, cut stems and center ribs from kale; discard. cut kale into 1-inch ribbons. add kale to broth in batches, stirring between additions. reduce heat and simmer 5 minutes, or until kale is tender. carefully pour into strainer set over a large bowl; press on kale to extract as much liquid as possible. transfer liquid back into saucepot; turn heat to low.

meanwhile, heat 1 tablespoon butter until melted and hot; add onion and 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt. cover; reduce heat to low. cook 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, or until translucent. add garlic; cook 1 minute more, stirring constantly. add rice and cook 1 minute more, stirring constantly.

increase heat to medium; add wine and simmer until absorbed, stirring constantly. stir in 1/2 cup warm broth; stir constantly until broth is absorbed. add broth, 1/2 cup at a time, stirring constantly and waiting until the liquid is absorbed. you can stop adding the broth when the mixture is creamy and the rice is tender, but still al dente, about 18-22 minutes. reduce heat to low.

stir in kale, lemon juice, remaining butter, cheese and salt and pepper to taste. cook 1 minute more to incorporate. stir in some of the remaining broth mixture to thin out, if desired.

transfer to serving bowls; sprinkle with toasted pumpkin seeds. serve with extra pecorino romano for sprinkling, if desired.