caper and scallion cream cheese-stuffed bagels

i'll tell you this story and then,

i think you'll have an accurate picture

of me, who i am in the kitchen and,

probably, who i am in life.

picture me, on new year's day,

10:55 am, crouched down on the floor,

staring into my oven,

watching these bagels bake,

begging them not to be failure -

considering that i had invited

other people to eat breakfast

in ten minutes and was still in

my pajamas -

begging them to not lose their

cool and to please, please, please,

just brown without letting their

scallion and caper-laced

cream cheese centers

burst out from the sides.

and then,

one minute away from the 20-minute mark

of the 20 to 30 minute baking time,

i watched as one bagel -

the troublemaker,

the instigator,

the up-to-no-good bagel

as i now think of him -

oozed cream cheese out

its side.

i was pissed.

***

the best present larry gave me

for chanukah, was one i didn't even

know i wanted: milk,

the new cookbook from christina tosi

and momofuku milk bar.

i couldn't stop reading it.

every night that week, i pulled it onto my bed,

and eventually, read the entire thing

from david chang's forward to the bonus recipe

for crack pie.

the recipes are unique.

playful. childlike.

packed with technique

and a. lot. of steps. a lot.

after deciding i had a good handle on the book,

i realized i also

had high hopes of making three

recipes in the first week.

two - the banana cake and the corn

cookies - i was forced to skip,

after searching all around new jersey

for two hard to find ingredients

(banana extract and just corn,

respectively).

the third was the bagel bombs.

a bagel, made from a simple dough,

filled with frozen balls of cream cheese,

topped with poppy seeds

sesame seeds

kosher salt

dried onion

and baked until golden brown.

after i realized that three-quarters

of our new year's eve party would be

sleeping over, and we'd be adding two more

for brunch, it seemed

like the perfect time to experiment

with a recipe that serves eight.

so, on new year's eve,

while making appetizers,

and the boca negra,

we prepared the dough,

made the cream cheese filling

and stirred together the

seeded topping.

the only thing was this:

the dough was kind of funky.

it was wet and not interested in

coming together.

i mixed a little longer.

i added more flour.

against my better judgement,

i poured it into a bowl and decided

to let it rise to see what would happen.

and then, an hour later,

when the dough had risen,

but was still sticky and unmanageable,

i realized i had two choices:

abandon the bagel bombs

or

start over.

and, probably because at this point,

i needed to provide brunch and,

maybe because i had already made

all the other components,

i surprised myself by choosing

to redo the dough.

i measured everything again.

i remixed the dough.

and while i couldn't tell you

that we had a perfect ball

at the end of the mixing,

it was closer than we were ever going

to get with the first batch.

so, i turned the mixer speed up a bit,

beat for an extra two minutes,

and dumped the dough into the bowl.

after the mixture had risen,

i covered the bowl, placed it in the fridge,

and decided that i better make

a frittata, too.

the next morning,

while everyone was still waking up,

i chided myself for throwing two parties

within 12 hours of each other, then pulled

the dough out of the fridge to allow it to come

to room temperature. i prepared the ingredients

for this frittata.

by the time i was ready to get started,

i had an audience.

and let me tell you, that was the wrong

time to be on display.

my eight equal pieces, stretched out into

2 - 3-inch round discs, looked like this:

i was so grateful for the frittata.

and, for the strawberries waiting in the fridge.

as my sisters read me the directions,

i topped each piece with the cream cheese balls,

rolled the dough around them and was pleasantly

surprised when somehow,

they looked like this:

i brushed the balls with egg wash,

sprinkled all over with the everything bagel mix,

and asked the rounds for not the first or last time,

to please, please, please

not let me down.

***

now, i was torn.

the bagels were not deeply golden brown

as they were supposed to be,

but we were at the 22 minute mark

and five of the bagels were leaking.

i gave it two more minutes,

and then i couldn't take any more.

i had one perfect bagel left.

after i had taken the time to mix together

cream cheese,

scallions,

fried capers,

black pepper

and sugar,

then shape them into balls and freeze them

the day before,

i couldn't handle the thought of

all but one of my guests receiving empty bagels.

i pulled them out from the oven,

tried fruitlessly to gently tuck the cream cheese

back into the bread as instructed,

and realized that these were magic bagels

that spouted cream cheese, but were somehow,

sans culprit hole.

but then, when we sat down to eat,

everyone with a bagel and a slice of frittata on

their plate, i was thankful for a small miracle,

(and generously-sized cream cheese balls):

when torn open,

all the bagels were still stuffed.

there was enough, as my sister's fiance said,

to tear the top half off and dip it

into the cream cheese as you ate.

breakfast was not a bust.

the bagel bombs -

warm,

doughy

salty

and heavily

seeded -

were a hit.

that's why, when i walked into the kitchen,

and saw the parchment paper, just sitting there,

holding seven splotches of cream cheese,

i tried really hard to no longer

be pissed.

caper and scallion cream cheese-stuffed bagels

adapted from christina tosi and momofuku milk bar

there are several components to the recipe, broken down below. every piece can be made a couple days ahead of time, but the bagels need to be assembled the day that you are baking and serving. tosi says they are best served warm, but can be reheated later on or the next day. i didn't have leftovers to prove that theory.

1/2 dough recipe

fried caper and scallion cream cheese filling

1 egg

1/2 teaspoon water

everything bagel topping

heat oven to 350˚f. line baking sheet with parchment paper or silpat.

punch down dough; flatten the dough on a smooth and dry countertop. use dough cutter to divide dough into 8 pieces; using your fingers, gently stretch dough into a round, approximately 2-3" wide (note: i'd aim for three inches, if possible.)

top with one frozen ball cream cheese filling. bring edges of dough together around the ball and pinch together; gently roll dough between the palms of your hands until your dough resembles a ball shape. check to make sure that holes have not formed and all the cream cheese is enclosed. arrange 4-inches apart on prepared baking sheet. repeat with remaining dough and cream cheese balls.

in small bowl, whisk the egg and water. brush each ball with egg wash mixture. sprinkle top and sides generously with everything bagel topping.

bake 20-30 minutes, or until golden brown.

wrap remaining bagels in plastic and store in the fridge for up to three days.

regarding the cream cheese explosion, this is the exact note in the book:

"while in the oven, the bombs will become a deep golden brown and a few may have cream cheese explosions. continue baking until you see this happen! not to worry - serve them as is or use your fingers to tuck the cream cheese back inside the bagel bomb."

the dough

this is the recipe that tosi calls the mother dough. she uses it for several other recipes in the book. yes, i had trouble with it, but i don't know what my problem was and ultimately, the bagels turned out great, so i'm giving you tosi's recipe, as is.

3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (550 grams)

1 tablespoon kosher salt (12 grams)

1/2 packet or 1 1/8 teaspoon active dry yeast (3.5 grams)

1 3/4 cups water, at room temperature (370 grams)

grapeseed oil

in bowl of stand mixer, using the dough hook in your hand like a wooden spoon, stir together flour, salt and yeast. add the water in a steady stream, continuing to stir and mixing for 1 minute, until the mixture has come together.

attach the dough hook to the stand mixer. place the bowl in the mixer. on the lowest setting, mix dough 3 minutes, or until the dough is a ball, is smoother and is more cohesive. mix for 4 minutes more, still on the lowest speed. the dough should look like a wet ball and should bounce back softly when pressed.

brush large bowl with grapeseed oil; add the dough. cover with plastic wrap; let sit at room temperature 45 minutes to rise.

use to make bagel bombs; cover and put in the fridge or freeze for up to one week.

fried caper and scallion cream cheese

in milk, the mixture is made with scallions and thick cut bacon. much to larry's disappointment, i decided that i really wanted these to be vegetarian and crowd-friendly. so, using their recipe as a jumping off point, i tinkered to create a fried caper and scallion cream cheese - something i've been thinking about since eating, what i'm pretty sure was fried caper cream cheese under smoked salmon at a local breakfast spot. it was good, but i'm not sure it was worth the work or the oil, once frozen and baked. i'd probably just add plain capers next time.

1/4 cup olive oil

1 heaping tablespoon capers, dried well

7 ounces cream cheese, softened

3 scallions, thinly sliced

1 teaspoon sugar

1/4 teaspoon kosher salt

in small skillet over medium heat, warm olive oil until shimmering. add one caper. when the caper begins to sizzle, add remaining capers. let cook 45 seconds to 1 minutes, or until the capers open and begin to look like flowers. using slotted spoon, transfer capers to paper towel-lined plate and let cool. reserve caper oil.

in bowl of stand mixer on medium speed, beat cream cheese 1 minute, or until smooth. add 2 teaspoons olive oil from capers. beat 20 seconds, or until combined. add scallions, capers, sugar and salt; beat 20 seconds, or until combined.

divide cream cheese into 8 equal balls; place on aluminum foil-lined small sheet pan. freeze 1-3 hours, or until completely frozen. use immediately or transfer to an airtight container and store in freezer for up to 1 month.

everything bagel topping

i know how ridiculous this sounds, but once i started making the different components, this mixture was what i was most excited about. i've always had a soft spot for everything bagels and it made my day to realize that i could make the topping and use it for anything i so desired (i'm thinking fish).

3/4 teaspoon kosher salt (3 grams)

1 tablespoon white sesame seeds (6 grams)

2 teaspoons black sesame seeds (4 grams)

2 teaspoons poppy seeds (4 grams)

1 tablespoon dried onion flakes (4 grams)

1/2 teaspoon onion powder (2 grams)

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder (1 gram)

in small airtight container, stir together all ingredients. use immediately or use, ideally, within 6 months.

sauteed onion, poppy seed and gruyere bread

our first stop in maine

was portland.

we had plotted out the trip

for months, finally settling

on a bed and breakfast -

i'm a hotel girl, usually -

just outside the port.

at first i was bummed.

i like the idea of car-free

vacations, of walking everywhere

and never worrying about parking.

i also like the idea of hotels.

to me, they provide anonymity

and

don't coerce you into sharing your life story

with strangers while eating

a (seemingly mandatory)

breakfast that required

you to set your alarm

because meals are served

promptly at 9 am.

(can you tell that we've stayed at

bed and breakfasts before?)

but, for many reasons,

we decided to stay at the

morrill mansion and i must say

that as soon as we were there,

i was happy. on the first day,

it poured. not just poured.

think - a hurricane in the islands

making its way north kind of rain.

it was freezing cold, too.

as we stepped from the plane,

into the cold watery onslaught,

i re-evaluated every piece of

clothing i brought,

kicking myself for

the sundresses and tank tops

and wondering where i

could buy a parka if

this kept up all week.

(i think i forgot where i was...hello.)

we rented a car and as we drove

the short drive, i freaked out

about anything i could possibly

think to freak out about:

this is our vacation and its raining hard

(not unlike our honeymoon),

larry is behind the wheel of a

car he is not familiar with,

does anyone in front of us

actually know how to drive in the rain?

and what was i thinking?

two pairs of flip-flops does not

a well-rounded shoe selection make.

when we finally got to the b&b,

my mind

was ready for a rest.

the innkeeper brought us upstairs,

handing us warm chocolate chip cookies

along the way, settled us into our

room with comfy chairs and a bed

with tons of pillows.

this could work, i thought.

then, i turned around, noticing

the stack of home and food magazines

and thought, scratch that,

this is nice.

they never give you the current

issue of food & wine in a hotel room.

it was still pouring.

we weren't really ready to

take portland by storm

when it was in the midst of one.

so instead, i grabbed the f&w,

and began to chill out,

starting with a story about

amazing cottages

that i had never heard of,

located about 30 minutes away

from where we were staying.

humph.

and then, i turned to

the recipe for

pull-apart cheesy bread.

i probably would have read

it and continued on if not

for two things:

1) by far the biggest influencer -

they mentioned monkey bread.

my family? we're big fans of

monkey bread.

2) while i'm not so crazy

about poppy seeds, something

about my childhood made me

a sucker for bialys, with which

the poppy seed mixture shared

an obvious resemblance.

so i read the recipe once each day

(even though we woke up sunday,

and every day that followed to

gorgeous weather)

until we left for ogunquit,

willing myself to remember

to look up the bread when we got

home. a teeny tiny part of me toyed

with ripping it out of the magazine,

but then i flashbacked to every single

time that i read an article in a doctor's

office and the one page i've needed to finish

the story is half torn. so i left it there

for the next people visiting the mcguire room.

it took a few weeks and someone

mentioning to me

that they found a place where

poppy seeds are dirt cheap

(to which i thought,

i've never had a reason

to buy poppy seeds) before

the light went off in my head.

so, i found the recipe,

gathered the ingredients -

purchased my first poppy seeds ever -

and thought, this shouldn't

be too bad.

as the onions sauteed,

i grated the cheese and measured

out the poppy seeds.

when the onion was

sweet

and tender,

i stirred in the poppy seeds,

transferred the lot to a plate

and waited patiently for

five minutes until i could

stir the cheese in.

so far, so good.

the dough was simple, too.

flour

butter

baking soda and powder

salt

buttermilk.

i couldn't go wrong.

but when it was time to

dump the dough out on the counter,

i knew that i couldn't.

yes, the recipe said, soft dough,

but this? this would slide across

the counter, probably too liquidy

to be too sticky.

i added 1/2 cup more flour

to the mixture and it seemed firmer,

so i took a chance.

unfortunately, what was in front of me

was still not very close to dough.

i'm not sure how much flour

i kneaded in,

but it was a lot - i'd dare to say

almost a cup more until

i could get it to work with me.

realizing that i would never

be able to roll the dough out,

let alone, cover it with

the poppy seeds and onions,

cut the whole thing into strips

and layer them,

i went to plan B:

praying, pleading and plotting.

i quartered the dough,

pressing the first piece into

the bottom of the loaf pan to

completely cover. i spread

one-third of the onion mixture

over that, and then cobbled together

pieces of dough from the second section

to make a cohesive layer.

each time i worried that i would not have

enough dough to make it, but somehow,

i was cut a break - it worked.

i baked the bread,

keeping a close eye, not sure how

the four layers would cook,

opposed to the ten i was supposed

to have (where did i go wrong?)

and was relieved when it was out

of the oven in pretty much

the same amount of time.

however, this version?

not a looker.

for me,

it baked up almost

biscuit-like,

very tastily dotted with

cheesy sweet onions.

the poppy seeds? i guess

i can understand why

they are there.

in its original form

and what i turned it into,

the bread is absolutely

an interesting alternative

to a loaf of crusty bread

or even a dinner-appropriate

quick-bread.

it is not monkey bread-like, in

my opinion. it is not in ball

form and you still have to cut

the bread - once the slices

are on the diner's plate they

can be pulled apart to

play with and enjoy.

however, this recipe gave

me a great idea and i hope

that you'll see a savory

monkey bread from me

sometime in the future.

but, the inspiration for

something new we can

play with

and

maybe one day, fall in love with?

looking back, its

probably worth a rainy

afternoon in maine.

sauteed onion, poppy seed and gruyere bread

adapted from food & wine magazine

i was very torn - should i give you my cobbled together version or the original from the magazine? i think, that as long as i already gave you the wet-dough disclaimer, i should give you a chance to make good on my semi-disaster by posting the recipe as it was intended. just remember that if you have trouble, more flour will help and you can always make a patchwork version. the flavor is worth it, i think.

1 1/2 sticks cold, unsalted butter, divided

1 large sweet onion, peeled and finely chopped

1 tablespoon poppy seeds

kosher salt and ground pepper

1 cup shredded gruyere cheese (3 ounces)

2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for kneading and dusting

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup buttermilk

heat the oven to 425˚f. grease 9 x 4 1/2" metal loaf pan (mine is 5 1/2" wide).

cube butter; place one stick back in fridge until ready to make the dough.

in large skillet over medium heat, melt remaining 1/2 stick butter. remove 2 tablespoons of butter to small bowl; cover and set aside. add onions to skillet and cook 8 minutes, or until onions are softened, but not browned. stir in poppy seeds and season with salt and pepper. transfer onion mixture to plate; chill 5 minutes, or until cooled slightly. stir in gruyere; set aside.

meanwhile, in food processor, pulse flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. add reserved chilled butter; pulse until butter is the size of peas. add the buttermilk and pulse 5 or 6 times, or until a soft dough forms.

turn dough out onto a well-floured work surface and knead 2 or 3 times. pat or roll the dough into a 2 x 24 inch rectangle. spread the onion mixture on top. cut the dough crosswise into 10 pieces. stack 9 pieces onion side up. top stack with remaining slice, onion side down. carefully place the stack in the prepared loaf pan. (as i mentioned above, i had to pat the dough into place inside the loaf pan, which worked, but it's clearly not the best method - the first layer is stress-free. the next ones though, you have to worry that you're going to get the onion mixture caught in the dough as you're trying to spread it.) either way, brush top dough layer with remaining butter.

bake on the center rack, 30 minutes, or until the loaf is golden brown and has risen. let the dough cool for at least 15 minutes, before unmolding and serving.

you can also make it ahead of time - it was just as good the second day. i wrapped it up in foil and reheated in a 350˚f oven.