one year later

one year ago tonight,

i sat at the computer in

our second bedroom and mentally

willed larry to stay wherever he was.

i found the few pictures that i had taken

over the past year or two,

and finally,

determinedly, cobbled together a first post.

i just had the feeling that maybe

i actually could have my own blog,

after reading other's for so many years.

but that post was a culmination of

a lot of thinking -

it had been 13 months since

i came home from a saturday night out,

ran to the computer, and without any

research, reserved the name

not lazy. rustic.

on the first blog host i found.

for the next year,

i tried so many times,

but nothing ever came out.

but on january 21st,

i started writing like this

out of nowhere,

in broken, shortened lines,

all in lowercase,

explaining that a lot of times,

i'm a wrecking ball in the kitchen,

and suddenly, it just made sense.

it took three full posts

before i finally told larry -

and then lauren, colleen

and jenn - and then

my family. but, i did and they

were proud and then i was left

with me,

my recipes,

my pictures,

my computer

and no idea what i was really in for.

blogging is not always so easy.

you plan for a recipe that doesn't

come together at all and then

suddenly you have nothing to write

about. or you go to make a recipe

that requires your hands to be dirty

the whole time, but you realize that

dried dough is just not a good look

for a camera, so you have to stop

and wash your hands every time you

see an interesting picture.

or, you're using a point and shoot

and it takes you so long

to get a good picture

that your dinner is completely cold

by the time you finally eat.

or, you go to download

the pictures and realize that

every single picture you took was terrible.

or you love a recipe,

but have nothing interesting

to say about it.

or you love a recipe,

write something that

you're really proud of

and no one comments.

and then you think,

why am i doing this?

but for me, the answer over

the past year has been that i love

this blog. i love that it has

reminded me that

in my heart, i am a writer.

i love that it's made me

practically apply my culinary

school education

and

reach outside my recipe box to

search for new ones and new ideas.

i love that it has made me take

photography much more seriously and

made me look at food in such a different

way. and, i love, love, love the fact

that not lazy. rustic. has brought new people

into my life.

if i'm being honest, i still feel most days

like this blog is more

the little engine that could,

than anything else.

and, so what? it's uphill.

anything that matters is.

but, for me, after every post

i remember, it's still mine,

and i hope you feel,

a little bit yours, too.

after one year of recipes, i have some favorites to pull back out:

fava beans with red pepper flakes, scallions and lime

jacques pepin's crunchy kale

sweet potato, lentil and goat cheese salad

green shrimp and scallop posole

chewy amaretti sandwich cookies

coffee cream crepe cake

pear and hazelnut crostada

pickled carrots and daikon

quince paste

shrimp tacos with pickled red onions

and, the posts that have meant the most to me:

a birthday cake for larry

finding my footing

we're ok, we're fine

business trip breakdown

kick back and indulge - shoes optional

i made cranberry sauce muffins (then got news that made my day)

*ok, these cupcakes were not actually made for this anniversary. shocking, right? they were chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes i made for erin's birthday last week. picture taken the old-fashioned way, with my point and shoot, after i realized i left the new one at home.