Thursday, January 21, 2010

one year later

erin's cupcakes
one year ago tonight,
i sat at the computer in
our second bedroom and mentally
willed larry to stay wherever he was.
i found the few pictures that i had taken
over the past year or two,
and finally,
determinedly, cobbled together a first post.

i just had the feeling that maybe
i actually could have my own blog,
after reading other's for so many years.
but that post was a culmination of
a lot of thinking -
it had been 13 months since
i came home from a saturday night out,
ran to the computer, and without any
research, reserved the name
not lazy. rustic.
on the first blog host i found.

for the next year,
i tried so many times,
but nothing ever came out.
but on january 21st,
i started writing like this
out of nowhere,
in broken, shortened lines,
all in lowercase,
explaining that a lot of times,
i'm a wrecking ball in the kitchen,
and suddenly, it just made sense.

it took three full posts
before i finally told larry -
and then lauren, colleen
and jenn - and then
my family. but, i did and they
were proud and then i was left
with me,
my recipes,
my pictures,
my computer
and no idea what i was really in for.

blogging is not always so easy.
you plan for a recipe that doesn't
come together at all and then
suddenly you have nothing to write
about. or you go to make a recipe
that requires your hands to be dirty
the whole time, but you realize that
dried dough is just not a good look
for a camera, so you have to stop
and wash your hands every time you
see an interesting picture.
or, you're using a point and shoot
and it takes you so long
to get a good picture
that your dinner is completely cold
by the time you finally eat.

or, you go to download
the pictures and realize that
every single picture you took was terrible.

or you love a recipe,
but have nothing interesting
to say about it.
or you love a recipe,
write something that
you're really proud of
and no one comments.

and then you think,
why am i doing this?

but for me, the answer over
the past year has been that i love
this blog. i love that it has
reminded me that
in my heart, i am a writer.
i love that it's made me
practically apply my culinary
school education
reach outside my recipe box to
search for new ones and new ideas.
i love that it has made me take
photography much more seriously and
made me look at food in such a different
way. and, i love, love, love the fact
that not lazy. rustic. has brought new people
into my life.

if i'm being honest, i still feel most days
like this blog is more
the little engine that could,
than anything else.
and, so what? it's uphill.
anything that matters is.
but, for me, after every post
i remember, it's still mine,
and i hope you feel,
a little bit yours, too.

after one year of recipes, i have some favorites to pull back out:

and, the posts that have meant the most to me:

*ok, these cupcakes were not actually made for this anniversary. shocking, right? they were chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes i made for erin's birthday last week. picture taken the old-fashioned way, with my point and shoot, after i realized i left the new one at home.


Lora said...

Thanks for sharing this post. Blogging *is* a scary thing! I'm shocked by how much your experience mirrors my own - I wanted to get back to my creative roots, and merge my (neglected) love for writing with my love for cooking, and launched a blog. The only one who know is my husband - but now I'm telling you! :) Thanks for the courage!

suz said...

I almost never post comments on any of the food blogs I read (and there are many!). I realize now, after reading your post, that I should comment more often. Your blog, and the several that I read each day, really do mean a lot to me. These blogs have changed the way I talk about food, the way I cook, the flavors I'm willing to try and the foods I put together on a plate. They've made my friends laugh at me and also ooh & aah over the meals we've shared together. Thanks for keeping it up. I'll try to comment more often :)

brooke said...

lora, thank you so much for sharing your secret! beginning the blog is the scariest part - as you know - but it becomes so much more fun after that. thank you - i will check out home & hearth.

suz - thank you so much for your comment and for reading. it took me so long to comment on other people's blogs also, but once i started one myself, i realized how much each comment means to the blogger. thank you again!

doughgirl said...

Happy birthday! It's been quite a year :)

brooke said...

col - i know, right? (for both of us.) thank you!